Because I Wanted the Best
by Clarry
Summary: James Diamond is afraid he's dying and only the best will do, so he makes an appointment with Dr. Logan Mitchell.  AU, Big Time Rush never existed, and this is totally slash.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. Something as simple as acid reflux really can feel like heartattack symptoms and it's scary until you know what's wrong with you. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall, and sadly there is no Carlos. Well, there may be, but I did not include him. We know I feel I don't have a good grasp on him, so I'm sorry Carlos—I love you, but I don't write you well.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

* * *

><p>Logan smiled as his best friend's name popped up on his phone. He answered with grin. "What's up, buddy?"<p>

"I thought I might be able to get hold of you tonight. Getting ready to watch your big show?"

"Guilty as charged," Logan laughed, settling onto his couch and changing the channel to the correct one before setting up the DVR to record.

"Did you actually request the night off for this, Logan?" Kendall asked.

"I...maybe?"

"You did!"

"From the hospital, yes. I told them I wouldn't be on call tonight. Come on, it's not like I have a life. I work and I come home and sleep. Let me have this one fun thing, Kendall."

"I do, I just think it's ridiculous. And a little funny. World-renowned doctor Logan Mitchell having a mad obsession with James Diamond."

"I can't help it. He's amazing."

"He's conceited and arrogant."

"But so hot."

Kendall laughed. "Dude, why haven't you tried to meet him? He's gay, right? Just get out there and see if you can hook up with him. Even for a night."

"Like he'd even look twice at me? I've been to loads of concerts, you know that."

"Yes, I do. All of your money goes to this guy. Didn't you even fly to New York to see him once?"

"That was a special occasion. It was the five-year anniversary of his first album coming out, and they put on a big show for him. He got an award before the concert, it was awesome!"

"Did you cry, Logan?"

"Shut up, Kendall."

"You cried, didn't you?"

"I was proud! He worked hard to get that far. He's got a lot of talent, you know. He's not just a pretty face."

"I never said he was. But really, dude. Why not try to meet him? You've got plenty of money, you could do those V.I.P. meet and greet things, right?"

"Like I said, he'd never look twice at a guy like me."

"You're better off. He goes through boyfriends like water."

"It's hard for him, he doesn't have a lot of time for a stable relationship."

"Or he's just fickle and doesn't know how to love."

"Did you call me for a specific reason, or just to bust my balls over James?"

Kendall laughed. "I wanted to know when you're free for lunch. Let me know when James is busy so I can have some time with you."

"Dude..." Logan shook his head, grinning. "Look, I know it's ridiculous. I know I'm too old to have a crush like this on a rock star."

"You're only twenty-seven, Logan. Not ancient."

"Still. There's a reason you're the only person who knows about my obsession. But it makes me happy. _James_ makes me happy."

"Still think you should meet him."

"You're thinking that would cure my obsession, aren't you?"

"I wasn't, but that's a valid point. It might. Is that why you're afraid to meet him? Think maybe the real thing won't measure up to your imagination?"

"That's entirely possible, but...no. I don't try to meet him because I wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't even know how to speak, probably. All he'd have to do is look at me and smile and my brain would turn to mush."

"What would you do if he ever showed up at your hospital, Logan? He lives in Hollywood. Imagine you're walking down the hall and turn a corner and there he is, in all his sparkling glory. What would you do?"

"Faint. Have a panic attack. Freak out and scream. I don't know, but it wouldn't be pretty. I'd never be able to show my face at work again."

"It could happen, you know."

"I'd die."

"So what is this thing on tonight?"

Logan stood up and went to the fridge to grab a drink and some snacks to hold him over until the show started. "It's his concert in Italy, the one he did last month. Huge production, I've seen videos from it. He was amazing. And there's supposedly a wardrobe malfunction, too, that I haven't seen yet. They'll probably cut it out, though. Bastards."

"A _wardrobe malfunction_?" Kendall laughed. "What does that even mean?"

"His shirt ripped or something, bared him to the waist. And he was all sweaty and gorgeous and..." Logan made a sound that would've embarrassed him if he'd done it in front of anyone else, but he and Kendall had been best buds since preschool.

"I'm sure that was totally staged. And you've seen him shirtless a hundred times, haven't you?"

"Never get enough of that, Kendall. Never."

Logan could imagine Kendall shaking his head on the other end of the phone. "You need a boyfriend."

"I know," Logan sighed. "Who's got time for that, though? I'm always either in the E.R. or seeing patients at my office."

"Maybe it's time to slow it down a little. You graduated from med school so early and then jumped right into working and now look at you, your own office and known as one of the best, but you've gotta get lonely."

"That's what I have James for. He keeps the loneliness at bay."

"I don't even want to know."

"Kendall, not like that! I'm just saying it's an outlet. It's fun. Keeps me from going insane."

"Plus, he's hot."

"So fucking hot."

"You know, I would pay good money to see your face if he ever showed up unexpectedly in your life somehow."

"Never gonna happen. Which is for the best. Now let's plan lunch, because the show starts in fifteen minutes," Logan said as he plopped down onto the couch again with some chips and a soda.

"Can you get away tomorrow?"

"Possibly? I'll look at my schedule in the morning and let you know, but if it's a slow day we can do it."

"It's never a slow day for Dr. Mitchell. You're in high demand."

"Yes, but I make exceptions for you. How about we plan on one o'clock at Denny's and if something comes up, I'll call you?"

"Deal. I'm gonna hang up now so you can squeal in privacy."

"It's not my fault you wanted to watch that video with me last time."

"I was curious. Never making that mistake again. I was embarrassed for you."

"But Kendall! He's so fucking hot!"

Kendall chuckled. "Talk to you tomorrow. Though if you need to call me after the concert and fangirl, I'll be awake."

"I might do that. Thanks, dude. Best friend in the world."

"Don't forget it. Have fun."

"Oh, I will."

"Bye."

"See ya."

Two hours later Logan was lying in bed with a grin on his face, the concert replaying in his head. James had been as amazing as he always was, and Logan did in fact get to witness the wardrobe malfunction. He had to admit that Kendall was probably right about it being staged, but that was okay—it was still incredibly hot. After it aired Logan had gone online to squeal with his buddies, all of which probably believed him to be a female five years less than his age but he never enlightened them to anything different, and as he'd told Kendall—it was his outlet. He stared up at the giant poster above his head and smiled at it, feeling ridiculous but unable to hate himself too much. It was fun and didn't hurt anybody, and it wasn't like he would ever meet James anyway.

He fell into dreams of that beautiful man singing to him from a stage, and he was at peace.

* * *

><p>His good mood carried him through the morning; he saw patients at his office and got caught up on some paperwork, even remembering to call Kendall to confirm their lunch date. Checking the time, he decided he had just enough to see the walk-in patient who'd arrived a little earlier for a consultation.<p>

Logan moved down the hall to one of the examination rooms, frowning when he saw a huge, bulky guy standing outside it. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"No, but I hope you can help the man inside that room."

"Are you...a friend?"

"Employee. Just doing my job."

He was reaching for the thin file folder hanging on the door when it hit him that the guy looked familiar. He took another look, studying him, and his heart dropped into his stomach when he realized where he'd seen the guy before.

_With James. He's always with James. His bodyguard._

With shaking hands, Logan looked down at the file folder he was holding. He almost fainted when he read the name written on it.

_Diamond, James._

"Whoa, you okay, doc?"

Strong arms stopped Logan from falling to the ground but the chart wasn't so lucky, the intake paperwork spilling out of the folder as Logan dropped it. He forced his knees to function and stood up straight after leaning on the big guy for a moment, stepping back and trying to breathe. "Thanks, I'm okay." His voice sounded strangled to his own ears. "Missed breakfast."

"As a doctor, you should know better," the large man teased. He bent down to gather all of the paperwork and slip it into the folder, then hesitated in the act of returning it to Logan. "You sure you're okay? You look pale."

Logan nodded. "I have some uh...granola in my office. I'm just gonna go down a few handfuls and I'll be much better. Tell Mr...Diamond, was it?"

"Yeah. He's my boss."

"Let him know I'll be right in, okay?" Logan snatched the folder out of the bodyguard's hands and rushed to his office, shutting the door and sliding down to the floor. His heart was racing and he felt clammy. Maybe this was a joke? It had to be. Kendall was probably setting him up for a prank, it was just Kendall's style after their talk last night. Or perhaps he was dreaming. That was more likely.

Logan opened the folder and glanced over the paperwork, which consisted of a few legal documents each new patient had to sign, and the first-time patient's questionnaire. He skimmed the symptoms that had brought James here in the first place, frowning, and then his eyes took in the signature at the bottom of each page. It was absolutely James Diamond's autograph, Logan had seen it a thousand times and even had posters bearing that same design on his bedroom wall at home.

"Holy shit," he whispered. "James Diamond is in exam room two. Right here in this building. I'm going to talk to him. _Touch him_." Consciousness threatened to fade and Logan shook his head, forcing himself to calm down. "You're a doctor, Logan. You do this every day. You are professional and you can do this and something is obviously wrong with him or he wouldn't be here. You're the best. He deserves the best treatment possible from you. Go in there as a doctor, not as an obsessed psychotic fan."

He stood up and took a deep breath, but as he was reaching for the doorknob he changed his mind and pulled his phone out, calling Kendall.

"You'd better not be canceling, I'm about to leave."

"Kendall!" Logan hissed. "Kendall! He's here! In my office! Did you set this up? James is here in my office waiting for me to examine him!"

Silence.

"Kendall, are you there? Is this a joke?"

"You're serious?"

"Yes! James Diamond is here to see me. He has..." Logan fumbled with the folder and glanced down at the symptoms. "Tight chest, burning in his chest, nausea—wait, what am I doing? I can't tell you this! I'm breaking HIPAA regulations!"

"Dude, relax. I'm not gonna report you. Just calm down."

"What do I do?"

"What do you do?" Kendall was highly amused. "Examine him. Maybe check his-"

"Don't you dare even say it, Kendall Knight!"

Kendall laughed. "Calm down, Logan. Really. This is your chance. Fate brought him to you, who knows why? Don't waste this opportunity. We're still having lunch, right?"

"Yes, Kendall, but I might be a little late. I might have to run off screaming after he leaves."

"You will not. How about I pick you up instead of meeting you there? I don't trust you driving right now."

"Fine. Just hang out in my office until I'm done. I can do this."

"You most certainly can. Be strong, Dr. Mitchell. Use your God-given talents to heal this man."

"Oh, shut up." Logan took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay. I'm good now. I can be professional."

"Just try not to pinch his ass or anything, that might get you sued."

"Kendall, I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you when you get here."

"Death threats? Should I be scared?"

"Hanging up now."

"You can do this, dude. It's what you do best."

"I know. I'll see you soon."

"No pinching!" Kendall got in just before Logan hung up.

Logan shook his head and studied the paperwork again, going over James' symptoms. Tight chest, nausea, a burning feeling in his chest, and sometimes chest pain. All of it recurring. It could be a lot of different things, and the only way to know for sure was to talk to James and run some tests. Which would mean seeing James again. Logan bit his lip, trying not to get excited about that. Maybe James wouldn't measure up; maybe meeting him _would_ cure the ridiculous obsession after all.

_Don't think of him as James Diamond. Think of him as a patient who is scared and needs your help._

With a firm nod, Logan stepped out of his office and walked down the hall.

"Better?" the big guy asked.

"I'll live," Logan smiled. "Thanks, by the way. For catching me."

"You fix up Mr. Diamond, and that's all the thanks I need."

Logan nodded. "It's what I do."

He opened the door and stepped in, not looking up right away but feeling the magnetic presence immediately. "Mr. Diamond?"

"Hi."

"Hi, I'm Dr. Mitchell." Logan held out a hand as he did with all his new patients, bracing himself and looking into those gorgeous hazel eyes. James was even more breathtaking in person and Logan tried not to melt under his gaze, gripping the hand firmly before letting go and turning away to set the folder on the counter, back to James to give himself time to recover.

_Holy shit, he's beautiful, his skin, his eyes, his hair, his lips, how is he real? Focus, Dr. Mitchell. The best. Be the best for him._

"So it looks like you're suffering some chest problems?"

"Um, yeah. It scares me, I'm having chest pain and I'm way too young to die."

Logan couldn't help but chuckle, the act relaxing him as he turned around and studied James. "Chest pain isn't always life-threatening, Mr. Diamond. Usually it's something benign." At James' look of confusion, Logan clarified, "Non-life-threatening."

"Well, it better be, because I have a tour to continue."

"A tour?"

"Yeah, I'm a singer. I travel the world entertaining the masses. I can't get sick, there are too many people depending on me for their jobs."

"Mr. Diamond, I think it's-"

"James."

"What?"

"Please call me James. I hate being called Mr. Diamond, and it's what I hear all the time. Just...James."

"James." Logan swallowed, feeling his heart start to melt and then mentally shaking himself. "I think it's noble of you to consider everyone else, but you have to put yourself first." And here's something he never imagined having to say to James Diamond. _Conceited and arrogant indeed, Kendall._

"I know. So what's wrong with me? Let's fix it."

Logan laughed softly. "We haven't even talked about it yet, slow down. You wrote here that you're suffering chest pain, nausea, a burning sensation, and tightness? Having trouble breathing?"

"Sometimes."

"And your chest hurts when this happens?"

"Not always."

"James, you're gonna have to help me out here."

"You're the doctor."

"I can't do my job without your input. Tell me what happens. How often? How long does it last? How bad is it?"

"Well, it doesn't happen every day. And I don't always feel sick to my stomach. Only sometimes. And sometimes I feel like I can't breathe."

"How long does that last?"

"Like ten minutes?"

"So it passes pretty quickly?"

"I guess."

"Where does your chest hurt when it does?"

"Right here." James pressed a hand over his heart.

"Are you on any medication? You didn't list any, but..."

"No."

"Do you smoke?"

"Hell, no. That would kill my body."

"Drink?"

"Who doesn't?"

Logan barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "A lot?"

"I don't know. What's a lot?"

"If you have to ask, the answer's probably yes. Any other symptoms? Do you experience dizziness, sweating, any pain in your left arm, any problems thinking clearly?"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"What? Of course not. How would I be-"

"I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I have problems thinking clearly on a daily basis."

Logan smiled slightly. "I didn't mean it like that, James. I promise. Perhaps I should have said more problems than usual?"

James laughed at himself. "No, nothing like that. What was the other stuff? No dizziness or pain in my arm, though I do sweat a lot. But that's because I'm active."

_You sure are. _ Logan dragged his eyes away from those muscles. "That makes sense, then. See, we've already ruled out a lot of ailments just by talking. You seem nervous."

"I hate doctors."

"I'll try not to take that personally."

"You shouldn't, it's all doctors. As a rule."

Logan shook his head, unable to stop smiling anymore. "We're not all bad. Some of us even give you a lollipop when we're finished." _Oh my god, what did I just say? You don't say things like that to a gay man, Logan!_

James lifted an eyebrow and Logan blushed, then cleared his throat. He felt his face redden. "I meant...I didn't mean..."

James grinned, his voice taking on a flirty tone. "Do I get a lollipop, Dr. Mitchell?"

"Shut up," Logan answered, but he was grinning even though he couldn't meet James' eyes. "I'm trying to be serious here."

James laughed. "I think that's the first time I've ever smiled in a doctor's office."

"So glad I could embarrass myself for your amusement."

"It _was_ rather amusing."

"Okay, let's talk about you for a minute."

"My favorite thing to do."

Logan cracked up. "When did I lose control of this appointment?"

"The second you mentioned lollipops. Which I do enjoy, Dr. Mitchell."

Logan blinked, his mouth hanging open. Was James Diamond _flirting _with him? _Him?_ "Um. Wow. Okay. So we were talking about...what were we talking about?"

"Sweating."

"Jesus Christ. I'll be right back." Logan headed for the door, having lost all control.

"Wait, don't go!" James hopped off the exam table. "I'm sorry. I just...when I get nervous I can't control my mouth. I really want to know what's wrong. Please, don't pass me off on someone else. I heard you're the best and I need the best. No more sex jokes, I promise."

Logan leaned his head on the office door, regaining his composure. James couldn't possibly know what this was doing to him, having his idol not only in the same room but flirting with him, no matter how meaningless.

"Please, Dr. Mitchell. I'm sorry."

"I wasn't going to pass you off, James." He turned around, his face returning to a normal shade. "I just needed a minute. It's not every day a gorgeous man sits in my office and flirts with me."

James smiled almost shyly. "You think I'm gorgeous?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Yeah, but...well. Okay. Let's talk about my health, since that's why I'm here."

"Good idea."

They managed to eliminate a few more ailments by talking and then Logan did a quick physical examination, doing his best not to let his mind wander when he had to touch James, whose skin felt like warm perfection under his hands. "I'm going to order a few tests, some of them basic ones because you haven't seen a doctor in so long, others related specifically to your symptoms. You will need to come back here, though."

"Okay," James nodded.

"Is that going to be a problem, with your touring schedule?"

"I'll make time. You said my health needs to come first, right?"

"Absolutely. There's only a slim chance that this is something serious, James. Most likely it's gastroesophageal reflux disease or simple heartburn, which is easily treatable. Try taking an antacid when the symptoms present themselves."

"A what?"

"Tums. Rolaids. That sort of thing."

"Oh. Okay. You really think that'll fix it?"

"Probably not fix it, but it'll ease your discomfort enough to get by. James. Look at me."

Scared eyes met his.

"You're gonna be fine."

"Promise?"

Logan knew better than to make that promise. As a doctor, he was sworn not to lie. Seeing the fear in James' eyes, though, he couldn't keep from saying, "Promise. We'll figure this out."

"Cause they said the same thing to my grandma, and she was dead two weeks later."

Logan blinked in shock. "I...I'm sorry. What happened to her?"

"Cancer. When I was a kid."

"Is that why you don't like doctors? You think we lie?"

"I just think sometimes things don't work out the way you expect them to. And I don't want to die."

Logan reached out to squeeze James' arm. "I can almost guarantee you won't die from this."

"Almost?"

"Would you rather I lied?"

James shook his head. "No."

"This is probably something simple, James. I promise."

"The doctor didn't lie to my grandma. He thought he was right."

"We can't ever really know what the future holds."

"I hate that."

"You and me both. So let me write up your lab orders and get you some antacids and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay. Can you send Jimmy in?"

"The big guy?"

"Yeah. He's my bodyguard."

"So he said. You're pretty famous, huh?"

"Totally."

Logan grinned and stepped out. "He wants to see you, but don't leave yet, okay? I need to give him some paperwork."

"You got it." Jimmy disappeared into the room and Logan to the nurses' desk, where he grabbed the necessary paperwork and filled out the test orders. He glanced up when a tall blond walked in from the waiting room. "Kendall! Over here."

"Hey. So how'd it go?"

Logan ushered Kendall into his office and closed the door. "He's still here. I'm so in love."

"Oh no," Kendall groaned.

"Dude, he was flirting with me! But he says he does that when he gets scared."

"Why was he scared?"

"He hates doctors."

"Sucks for you."

"Oh! That reminds me." Logan reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out a green lollipop, then changed his mind and went with red.

"What's that for?"

"I'm giving him a lollipop. You kind of had to be there."

"I'm glad I wasn't. So he flirted with you?"

"Yeah. I've never blushed that hard in my life."

"Damn, I wish I could've seen that. Is he okay, though?"

"I think so. He's terrified of dying."

"Is it that serious?"

"No, I think it's probably a severe form of heartburn. Easily treatable."

"If it was something more serious, he'd have to come see you again. Over and over and over."

"He has to come back for his test results anyway. I hope he does."

"Give him that lollipop. Maybe put on a show of sucking it for him. He'll be back."

"Kendall, you are horrible."

"I'm not the one giving him something to suck on."

"I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't touch anything."

"Oh, look, I'm touching your desk. I'm sitting in your chair."

"Just wait here." With a chuckle Logan returned to the room, Jimmy nodding at James before excusing himself.

"Okay, take these papers to the lab. The address is right here, and the building's at the end of this block. You'll have to fast, though, so you can't take them today."

James nodded.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I...I lied."

"You lied? About what?"

"The drugs."

Logan's face fell. "Oh."

"I don't tell anyone, but Jimmy says since you're my doctor you need to know everything."

"Jimmy's right." He felt dead inside. His idol had fallen from the pedestal.

"It's not what you're thinking."

"No?"

"No. It's not like...bad drugs. I um. I take an anti-depressant. For anxiety."

"Oh. Oh! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"You're a doctor, of course you'd say that."

"So would most people. With the lifestyle you lead, the massive pressure you're under, I would be surprised if you didn't need a little help. How long have you been on it?"

"About three years."

"What is it and do you suffer any side effects from it?"

"Paxil. And no, I feel fine most of the time. I don't have any panic attacks at all anymore."

"That's good. That means it's working. So you're familiar with panic attacks and what they feel like?"

"Yeah. They suck."

"They most certainly do. But that rules out another ailment I had in mind. What you're experiencing now isn't panic attacks, right?"

"I don't think so. I'd probably know, right?"

"Probably. And these attacks feel different?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. That's good, we ruled that out. Anything else I need to know? Remember that anything you say to me is completely confidential and doesn't leave this room." _ Except when I shoot my mouth off to __Kendall. Gotta stop that._

"No. I do drink, but...not a lot. I'm not supposed to with the Paxil. In the beginning I was doing it a lot and my doctor told me to stop because it was making me have bad mood swings, mixed with the medicine."

"I can see that. Why don't you see this doctor anymore?"

"Because I wanted the best."

Logan smiled, suddenly more proud of his medical career than he'd ever been. "I'll try to be the best."

"You already made me laugh, which is nearly impossible in a doctor's office."

"I try. Oh, here." Logan reached into a cabinet and pulled out a few sample packs of Tums. "Chew these when you feel the symptoms. See if it helps. In fact, call me and let me know."

"Call you when?"

"After a few days of taking these. Let me know if it's helping."

"I need to put the number in my phone, Jimmy's got it."

"I'll just tell you now." When James pulled out his phone, Logan rattled off his cell number. "Call anytime."

James nodded. "Okay. We done here?"

"We are. And you survived, so you get a present." Logan pulled the lollipop out of his pocket and held it out to James, whose eyes widened before he laughed so hard he had to bend over and clutch his stomach.

"Oh my god, dude. Oh my god. You are the best doctor ever."

"Now, you have to make sure you suck this. It'll make you feel better."

"Jesus. Okay. Doctor's orders." James pocketed the sucker and grinned. "Or am I supposed to do that in front of you? So you can make sure everything's working properly?"

"I think if you did that, I'd be the one requiring medical assistance."

"Good to know." James slipped past Logan and reached for the doorknob, opening it before turning back to ask, "You get a lunch break?"

"I. Um."

"James, we're already late."

"Damn, I forgot. Thanks, Jimmy." With a last smile at Logan, James walked down the hall and out into the waiting area.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall. And I caved at least mentioned Carlos. It just doesn't feel right without him.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

* * *

><p>"So he asked you out?"<p>

"No, but I think he was going to. How is that possible?"

"You're not a bad-looking dude, Logan. And the lab coat makes you look sexy."

Logan rolled his eyes as he reached for his drink. "I bet you say that to all the guys."

"Just you, baby. Maybe Carlos, too." Kendall grinned and dipped a French fry in ketchup before holding it against Logan's lips.

Logan batted his hand away with a laugh. "And you say _I _need a boyfriend. What happened with the chick you had dinner with last week?"

"She was nuts."

"Oh. Yeah, sanity is a necessary quality in a prospective girlfriend."

"Or boyfriend. Is your boyfriend sane?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Yet."

"Kendall, please don't tease me about that. You know how badly I'd kill for it."

"Sorry." Kendall leaned forward over the table. "Well, you finally met the great James Diamond. And survived. What's he like in person?"

"Gorgeous. Flirty. A bit unsure of himself, too."

"Really."

"Yeah. Oh, and by the way, he was worried about having to cancel tour dates because he doesn't want to let his crew down. He says a lot of people depend on him for their jobs. So he's not a total egomaniac."

Kendall shrugged. "I guess a person can't be all bad. What happened when you gave him the sucker?"

Logan laughed. "You should've seen his face. Classic. But he laughed really hard. And then offered to suck it in front of me."

"Shut up."

"He did!" Logan let out a very unmanly squeal before regaining his composure and looking around, but no one was paying them any attention. "And then he started to ask me out for lunch, but his bodyguard reminded him they were late for something."

"Whoa. Dude. See? I told you! I told you there was a chance if you just met him."

"As a fan it wouldn't have worked. I guarantee it."

"Good thing you met him as his doctor then, isn't it?"

"Maybe. He's...fragile. He really is terrified of dying."

Kendall wiped his mouth and pushed his plate away. "Aren't we all?"

"Yeah, but he's...something with his grandma when he was a kid. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay."

"Big tough rock star isn't so tough?"

"Big tough hockey player afraid of death?"

"Like I said. We all are."

Logan groaned when his phone rang. "It hasn't even been an hour yet, why can't they—oh, it's not the office." He answered the call. "Hello?"

"Yeah, Dr. Mitchell?"

Logan almost dropped the phone. "James?"

Kendall's eyes widened in disbelief. "You gave him your number?" he whispered across the table.

"Yeah, hi," James was saying. "Sorry to bother you, but you said I could call, so...I expected to get the front desk, though."

"Don't worry about it, what's up?"

"Jimmy and I were talking about the lab tests and we want to know how long I have to fast."

"Oh. Eight hours. Just don't eat anything after ten and you should be fine to go the next morning."

"Cool, I can do that."

"So you're going tomorrow."

"Yeah, I gotta leave town after that."

"Right, Chi-" Logan cut himself off, hand covering his mouth.

"What?"

"Your tour. You have to go...places."

"Yeah, Chicago. How long do I have to wait for the results?"

"I can call you when they come in. We have your number on file, right?"

"Yeah, but let me give you my cell. I wrote down Jimmy's number because I don't give out my cell number to anyone, but...if I can't trust my doctor, who can I trust?"

"Exactly." Logan pulled a pen out of his pocket and grabbed a napkin, hands shaking. "Go ahead." He wrote down the number James recited, heart crashing in his chest. "Got it."

"Cool. Thanks, Dr. Mitchell."

"Anytime. Be careful on tour, okay? A lot of crazy fans out there."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "You're bad."

Logan waved a hand at Kendall.

"Tell me about it."

"And don't forget to call me and let me know if the antacids are working."

"I think you just like talking to me, Dr. Mitchell," James replied in that flirty tone.

"I think you just called me now because _you_ like talking to_ me_."

James laughed. "I didn't expect a comeback to that. Nice."

"Seriously, though. Call me."

"I will."

"And James? It's gonna be okay."

After a moment of silence, James said, "Thanks. I hope you're right. I gotta go, Jimmy's waving at me, but..."

"Yes?" Logan waited, sensing there was something James wanted to say.

Instead he abruptly answered, "I'll call you about the antacids. Bye."

"Bye, James." He hung up with a sigh, his head falling back onto the booth. "He's so hot."

"Dude. Why does he have your cell number?"

"I gave it to him," Logan said in a tiny voice.

"And told him to call you anytime?"

"Duh. It's James Diamond, Kendall. You know, the guy I obsess over?"

"Does he know that's your cell?"

"No."

"Does he know you're a fan?"

"Of course not. I'm his doctor. I have to be professional."

"Right, because giving him your cell number and telling him to call you anytime, that's professional."

"Dude, come on! You're the one who kept encouraging me to make something happen."

"I know, but it feels sneaky now. What if he ever comes home with you? Walks into your room, sees your posters? Your massive collection of magazines?"

"Please, he's not coming home with me. Ever."

"You just flirted with him over the phone."

"So if he flirts with me I'm supposed to not flirt back? Make up your mind!"

"_And_ he almost invited you to lunch."

"So I should tell him I'm a huge fan? That would kill all of his confidence in me as his doctor. He wouldn't take anything I say seriously and would suspect every word out of my mouth. This has to remain professional."

"Then don't date him."

Logan sighed. "I want him, Kendall. More than anything I've ever wanted in my life."

Kendall took a breath and let it out. "I know. Just be careful. Lies can get you in trouble."

"I know. It's the only chance I'll ever have to get him, though. I don't know what else to do."

"Then go get him, Logan. And hold on tight, because guys like that don't stay in one place too long."

Logan nodded and stood up. "I need to get back."

* * *

><p>Logan kept up with James' activities through his online sources over the next few days, wondering if James would actually call him. He told himself to let it go, that he was being ridiculous, but every time his phone rang he nearly had a heartattack. Finally he set James' number to a ringtone that no one else had, and when that ringtone went off one night when he was staring at a new picture of James on his laptop, he jumped a mile.<p>

"Dr. Mitchell," he answered, feeling as if he'd been caught staring at porn by his mother.

"Hey, doc, it's James Diamond. I was in your office the other day? The uh...Lollipop Kid?"

Logan giggled. "Yes, Mr. Diamond. You're not someone I'd easily forget."

"James."

"Right. James. How you feelin'?"

"Not bad. The Tums are helping a little bit."

"Are they?"

"Yeah, like...when I feel the pain and nausea I take a couple and it goes away pretty quick. But now there's something new."

"New how?" Logan sat up in his chair, concerned.

"My chest starts to feel hot."

"Around your heart area?"

"No, like it starts in my chest and creeps up toward my neck and like...almost like there's fire in my throat."

"Does the antacid help that?"

"A little. Is there something stronger?"

"Yeah, try Mylanta. You can find it at any drugstore. Or even a grocery store. That'll coat your throat and-" Logan bit his tongue, wondering how everything he said to this man ended up sounding sexual.

James snickered on his end. "Coat my throat, eh?"

"Why do I always end up saying things like that to you?"

"Because I'm hot and when you look at me you think of sex?"

"Sure, that's it." Logan blushed but he was smiling. "I can't even see you right now, what does that say?"

"That my voice is just as sexy as my body?"

_Fuck, you have no idea, James. No idea._ "So we were talking about coating your throat."

"Yeah, let's talk more about that."

Suddenly Logan had to stand and move to his patio, it was too hot inside.

"I'm sorry, doctor. That was a bit much."

"I'm the one who said it, don't worry."

"But I turned it into something sexual."

"Maybe I'm just so hot you can't even talk to me without thinking about sex," Logan teased, giving it right back to James.

Now James was silent.

"You there?"

"Yeah, I uh...damn. When did our conversation turn into phone sex?"

"I don't know. We should stop."

"No, I'm kind of enjoying it."

Logan laughed, feeling lighter than air. "Please, like you don't have a million guys breaking down your door every night."

"I try not to get involved with fans. It's too messy."

That killed the smile on Logan's face. "I can imagine."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my fans, but it's hard to think of them as prospective boyfriends when I don't spend much time talking with them."

"That makes sense. I uh...looked you up."

"Looked me up? Is that a sexual term I've never heard?"

"No," Logan laughed. "I Googled you."

"Oh! That also sounds dirty."

"Stop!" Logan giggled, leaning back against the wall of the house. "I was curious."

"So you read up on me, huh? You can't trust everything you read. I don't, for example, own a diamond-studded tiara that I wear when I strut around my house naked."

"Oh, that. Yeah, I got a good laugh out of that one." _When it first appeared online two months ago._ "What about the rumor that you own over one hundred mirrors?"

"Uh, that one might be a little bit true."

"Yeah?"

"Just a tiny bit."

"Self-absorbed, are we, Mr. Diamond?"

"Obsessed with lollipops, are we, Dr. Mitchell?"

Logan grinned. "Guilty. And it's uh...Logan."

"Logan?"

"Yeah," he answered softly.

"Why are you at the office so late, Dr. Logan?"

"I might not be."

"Oh? Where might you be, then?"

"I might've given you my cell number by mistake."

"By mistake."

"Yeah. Just maybe."

"Right. And I might've given you _my_ cell number the other day because I wanted you to have a direct line to me."

Logan's heart fluttered in his chest. "How's Milwaukee tonight?"

"Too far away from California."

After settling himself in a patio chair, Logan asked, "Are you outside?"

"On the balcony of my hotel."

"Look up. See that moon?"

"I do."

"So do I."

Neither of them spoke for a good minute, staring at the moon and imagining the other sitting underneath it. When it got to be too much, Logan said, "So the Tums worked, then."

"They helped. The problem's still there, though."

"We'll fix it. Buy some Mylanta."

"I'll get it tomorrow."

"I'll call you when your test results are in. About another week, probably. But if uh...anything changes, you can call me."

"Thanks. If you come across any wild rumors and have a burning need to know the truth, you can call me, too."

Logan grinned. "I'll remember that. Take care of yourself. I can only do so much from here."

"When my results are in, will I have to come see you again?"

"Yeah, test results aren't supposed to be discussed over the phone."

"Should I pretend to be disappointed?"

"Should _I_?"

James laughed softly. "Goodnight, Dr. Logan. Sleep well."

"You too, James. Don't sleep in the tiara; the diamonds might cut you."

"Thanks for the tip. And let me clarify something now, so you don't have to call me later."

"What's that?"

"The rumor about me sleeping in the nude?"

Logan's heart stopped.

"That one's totally true," James whispered.

"Fuck," Logan muttered.

"Goodnight, doctor."

"Goodnight, James."

Logan returned to his laptop after hanging up the phone, staring at the new pictures of James again but staying away from the forums and fan-based sites he usually frequented. He'd discovered the day he met James that it felt wrong to gossip about him suddenly, not just as his doctor but as a person, and had no desire to share his story with any of them. He supposed it was natural, wanting to keep it to himself, but it wasn't anything selfish; he simply couldn't think of James as a celebrity now that they were...whatever they were.

_Doctor and patient. That's what we are. That's _all _that we are. Thinking of it any other way is a dangerous path, Logan. It will drive you mad if it never happens. Be professional._

Which was near impossible after their heavy flirting and almost-date. Just like James had a rule about not dating fans, Logan had one about not dating patients, but with James it seemed the rules didn't apply. He'd wanted James for too long to think rationally when it came him.

_What do I do if he asks me out? Do I do the right thing and say no, tell him we should keep it professional? I'd still see him as my patient, and he'd probably understand my rule._

Logan knew, though, that all James would have to do is whisper something about sleeping naked again and he'd cave.

_Damn you for being so sexy and beautiful, James Diamond._

And what if he did just want a fuck? Would Logan be able to resist that?

Not in a million years.

_I'm so screwed. I want him and if I'm extremely lucky I'll get a fuck out of it but nothing more and then he'll be gone from my life, and no one will ever compare to him. I'm gonna grow old and be the creepy lonely guy who owns a hundred cats and dreams about that one day in his life that was perfect._

With a sigh, Logan pulled out his phone and sent a text to Kendall. _"Don't let me be the creepy old man with a bunch of cats."_

He shut down his laptop and stood to head for bed, grabbing his phone off the desk. It vibrated in his hand and he smiled, anticipating Kendall's reply, but it was a text from James awaiting him.

_"What do u think happens when we die?"_

Logan's breath caught before he melted, wanting desperately to hold James and comfort him. He sent a reply back immediately before climbing into bed.

_"You're not dying."_

_"How can you be sure?"_

_"I'm a doctor. Trust me."_

_"What's wrong with me?"_

_"Are you having chest pains again?"_

_"I did earlier. Before I called you."_

_"But they passed?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"If it ever gets really bad, you can call me. If I don't answer it means I'm with a patient but otherwise I'm here. If it happens and doesn't pass, promise me you'll go to the E.R."_

_"I hate doctors."_

_"I know."_

_"Except you."_

Logan smiled._ "I know. And I'm glad."_

_"When do I need to be back?"_

_"The results should be back in another week, remember?"_

_"Can I make an appointment now?"_

Logan bit his lip, cursing labs that were overbooked and wishing he could see James tomorrow. _"I'll call and you just show up when you can. I'll fit you in."_

_"You see a lot of patients. Are you sure?"_

_"Positive."_

_"Thanks."_

_"Anytime."_

There was a pause in which Logan started to feel drowsy, though his thoughts were spinning with James, but then his phone vibrated again.

_"So I'm in bed. You know what that means, right?"_

Logan suddenly had trouble breathing. His face hot, he texted,_ "No idea. You should tell me."_

Ten seconds later his phone rang in his hand and Logan moaned softly. Was he really going to do this? _Fuck yes, I am. _He answered with a breathless "hi" that almost embarrassed him.

"It means I'm naked. And alone."

"A man as beautiful as you should never be alone."

He could feel James' smile through the phone. "I am pretty amazing. But that was corny."

"You know how your mouth has no filter when you're scared? My brain shorts out when I'm horny."

"Thinking of me naked gets you horny. I like that."

No one had ever spoken to Logan in quite that way, voice seductive and sexy, and the fact that it was James Diamond caused his lungs to struggle for oxygen. His mind clutched at something to say but there was nothing, just the vision of James in a hotel bed with his hand possibly-

"Logan? Too much?"

Logan opened his mouth to reassure James but his phone vibrated in his hand, startling him. "What? Now? No!"

"Logan?"

He looked at the phone display and cursed. "James, it's the hospital. I'm on call tonight, I have to go. I'm sorry." _More sorry than you can imagine._

"Sure, of course. I'll talk to you when the results come back, I guess."

"James, wait-"

"Goodnight, doctor."

The call was disconnected and Logan groaned in frustration, hating the hospital and everyone in it. He quickly dressed in his scrubs and grabbed a coat, sending James a text as he rushed to his car. _"I'm sorry. That was nice."_

Nice? Understatement of the year, but he was in a hurry and it would have to do. He kept glancing at his phone as he drove, disappointed when he hadn't received an answer by the time he was entering the hospital, which he mentally cursed as he made his way to the E.R.

He pushed thoughts of James aside, as he always did when he worked, but this time it was more difficult as his mind kept straying to what might've happened had they not been interrupted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall. And I caved at least mentioned Carlos. It just doesn't feel right without him.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

You guys are so awesome. I read the reviews and flail, sometimes even cry. It just makes me want to keep writing forever. If you're reading this now, thank you. I love you. You rock my world.

* * *

><p>Logan checked his phone periodically through the night, but the only text he received was from Kendall, promising he wouldn't let that happen and that Logan needed to get out there and date. He knew this was true, but no one captivated him the way James did. Had he not met James in person it might be different, but now he knew no one would compare and it made him feel sad and hopeless.<p>

He collapsed into bed and re-read their texts before falling into an exhausted slumber, glad it was a weekend and he could sleep in.

The next week passed more slowly than an entire year in his life ever had, and there was nothing from James. When he finally received the lab results, he clicked them open on his work laptop and devoured them, discovering that he'd most likely been correct in his diagnosis. James was completely healthy other than a probable case of GERD and slightly elevated blood pressure, which he'd known from the earlier visit. Relieved that James wasn't about to expire and also that he hadn't lied when he'd promised James he wasn't dying, Logan immediately placed a call to James. He expected voicemail but the voice that melted him answered quickly.

"Dr. Mitchell, hey."

There was a smile in James' voice but once again they were back to "Dr. Mitchell." Not even "Dr. Logan." He knew it was for the best, but maybe once Logan "cured" this ailment (though there really wasn't a fix, only dietary changes and medication that James would have to implement into his daily life), they could move past the doctor/patient relationship. "Good morning, Mr. Diamond. Or is it afternoon where you are?"

After a slight hesitation, James replied, "It is. Are my results in?"

"They are."

"Am I dying?"

"Of course not."

"Really?"

"Really." Logan gave James a minute, sensing he was overwhelmed. "You really were terrified," he said softly.

"I don't want to die."

"You will someday, you know," Logan said gently.

"I know, but...I haven't even lived."

"Are you kidding? Haven't you made all your dreams come true?"

"Most of them. I still have one and I'm afraid it'll never happen."

"Can you share it with me?" When James was quiet, Logan added, "It's okay. It's not my business. So when can you come in?"

"Tomorrow?"

"That soon? Aren't you on the other side of the country?"

"Didn't you tell me to put myself first?"

"So I did. Glad you're following doctor's orders."

"Can you give me a hint?"

"Sure. Don't eat any spaghetti or chocolate. Go easy on the cheese."

"What? I love chocolate!"

"It exacerbates your condition."

"I don't even know what that means."

"Just don't do it."

"For the rest of my life?"

"Not too often. We'll talk more about it tomorrow."

"Fine," James sighed. "But I'm not dying?"

"Not yet. You've still got time for your dream."

"Good," James answered. "See you tomorrow, doc."

"I'll be here. Put on a great show."

"Always do," James smiled.

"Bye, James."

James didn't respond right away and Logan thought he'd hung up, but then James said, "A great love. I want to experience a great love, one that's epic and makes people wish they had what I had. A love that completes me and makes me feel whole."

Logan was glad he was sitting down, because hearing James say that made his knees go weak. It was exactly what he'd always wanted; the near impossibility of attaining it had kept him from attempting to find it in the first place. "I think that's...what everyone wants. I know I do."

"I've never even been in love, Logan. So many men, even women, and no one has...pulled me in like that. Though I did meet someone who has potential. Can't stop thinking about him and I don't know why."

Logan's heart went crazy in his chest, so afraid to believe James could be talking about him. That was impossible, right? He could believe James would be interested in a dalliance, but nothing more. "Why don't you go for it?"

"I...I guess I'm scared. What if he has no interest in a relationship? Then I spend the rest of my life pining pathetically for him? No thanks. I'd rather be alone."

"You can't let fear hold you back." Logan ignored the fact that Kendall had told him these same words numerous times. "You won't find it if you don't let yourself."

A knock at his office door caught his attention, and he wanted to scream. "James, hang on."

One of his nurses poked her head in. "Dr. Mitchell, Mr. Coleman is starting to get impatient."

"Shit!" He'd forgotten all about his appointment. "Tell him I'll be there when I can. Give me a few minutes." Logan returned to the phone call. "James?"

No answer. Logan looked at the display to see James had hung up. "Fuck!" Again cursing his profession, he stormed out of his office and tried not to take it out on Mr. Coleman or the nurse who had interrupted him.

Fifteen minutes later he received a text. _"Sorry, doc. Had to go. See you tomorrow."_

With a sigh because Logan felt it was a lie, he replied. _"I'm sorry we keep getting interrupted. Tomorrow you will have my undivided attention."_

It was just flirty enough to elicit a suggestive response, but what Logan received was simply, _"Cool. Thanks, Dr. Mitchell."_

Feeling more alone than he ever had, Logan once again shoved thoughts of James aside and returned to work.

* * *

><p>Logan knew it was a little ridiculous, but the next day he wore a shirt that he'd been told brought out his eyes, and took extra care with his hair. He probably wasn't the guy James was interested in but it couldn't hurt to be safe and look good. He was almost out the door when he reconsidered his pants, rushing back to change into a pair that hugged him in all the right places. Maybe he'd "forget" to wear his lab coat when seeing James later.<p>

_If_ James showed up, that is. Logan was pretty confident he would, though; he was still concerned for his health.

All day Logan was a ball of nerves, masking it well with his patients and co-workers but the moment his phone buzzed with a text from James, his composure disintegrated. He slipped into his office as soon as he could get there and answered.

"_Of course I can see you now. Where are you?"_

"_A few minutes away."_

"_Just sign in. The receptionist knows to put you ahead of everyone else because of your circumstances."_

"_Thanks."_

"_Anytime."_

Logan rushed to the bathroom for one more look at himself, fixing that piece of hair that always stood up when he didn't want it to and popping a breath mint. You never knew, right?

Twenty minutes later he was greeting Jimmy with a smile and a handshake. Jimmy asked for a word before Logan entered the room, and they spoke in soft voices.

"Mr. Diamond is very scared, doc. Is he gonna be okay?"

"He's going to be perfectly fine. I promise."

"What do I need to watch for?"

"All you can really do to help is to make sure he's taking the medicine I'm going to prescribe and that he doesn't irritate the condition by eating the wrong foods or drinking too much. That includes caffeine."

"Oh, Mr. Diamond loves his coffee."

"Obviously. But trust me, Jimmy, he's perfectly healthy otherwise."

"Okay. Thanks, doc."

Logan nodded and entered the room, the breath leaving his lungs at the sight of James. It seemed crazy that they'd only spent about fifteen minutes in each others' company because a part of Logan felt like they'd known each other forever.

He would never understand how someone could look that damn good in a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans. "Hi," he greeted James, unsure what to expect.

James gave him a bright smile. "Dr. Mitchell! Good to see you."

"You, too," Logan grinned, knowing his face was turning slightly red but when James smiled at him like that his brain could hardly function. "Doing okay?"

"Yeah, the Tums have been helping and I did get Mylanta for when it gets bad, and both work but it always comes back eventually."

Logan nodded. "That's to be expected. What I believe you have is gastroesophageal reflux disease, more commonly known as GERD."

"GERD."

"Yeah."

"Sounds...gross. Like a sound you make when you burp."

"I never thought about it," Logan laughed. "Sit up on the table here, I'm gonna check a few things."

James hopped up onto it and waited while Logan set down his chart and pulled out his stethoscope, then listened to his heart, lungs, and back. The proximity was enough to get his own heart racing, and he couldn't help but notice that each time he laid a hand on James, James' heartbeat sped up as well. He took that as a good sign, even letting his fingers trail down James' back at one point to test it. The response was immediate, James' pulse jumping into a gallop.

_At least he likes it when I touch him. Or it terrifies him._

"So that's my problem? This GERD?"

"I'm pretty sure it is, but there's one more test I need you to have done."

"No more needles, right? Please tell me it doesn't involve needles. Jimmy almost had to hold me down when they drew blood from me. I don't do well with needles."

"No, it's a barium swallow, which you'll probably hate but it's necessary. You have to drink a liquid that coats your throat and-" Logan stopped speaking abruptly and shook his head, blushing.

"Wow, you didn't even last five minutes before bringing sex into it this time," James teased.

"I swear. James Diamond, you will be the death of me."

"You're a doctor, you can save yourself."

"Can we try to keep this professional for two minutes?"

James blinked, the laughter fading from his eyes. "Of course. I'm sorry."

Logan sighed. "No, it's fine, I just...don't understand why every time I spend more than two minutes in your presence my mind goes to the gutter. Even when you're not in the room."

"It's a gift," James smiled. "So another test?"

"Yes. You drink this liquid and then have an x-ray done. It'll show me your upper body so I can be positive about your diagnosis."

"X-rays aren't bad. Why would I hate that?"

"Because the liquid you drink tastes horrible."

"Ugh. Great."

"It's just to be sure, James. Though I'm highly confident that's the case."

"What causes the pain?"

"There's a sphincter muscle that—" At the look on James' face, Logan's own drained of color. "Oh Jesus Christ. I can't believe I just said that to you."

"Now we're talking about sphincter muscles, Dr. Mitchell? You weren't kidding about your brain being in the gutter."

"There's more than one sphincter muscle in your body, okay?"

"If you say so."

_Keep it professional. Get through this. Maybe then you can go out for lunch with him._ "Okay. There is a muscle in your throat that keeps acid from coming back up-"

James smirked.

"What? What did I say?" He reviewed his words and groaned. "Coming. I said 'coming'. We are never going to get through this appointment, are we?"

"Okay, fine. I'll behave. Even if that shirt does make me want to stare into your eyes for the rest of my life."

"So this muscle-" It hit him what James had said and he met James' eyes, his own wide. "Really?"

James bit his lip. "Sorry. That kind of slipped out."

"It's...fine." They smiled at each other, Logan's heart fluttering in his chest. "So uh...what's happening is that the acid in your stomach is not staying there. It's coming back up into your throat and burning it, basically. Because that muscle isn't working properly to keep it contained."

"So we fix the muscle?"

"We mostly treat the damaged part of your throat, and we change what you eat and drink to minimize the problem, because it's recurring. Jimmy says you have a thing for coffee."

"Don't tell me to give up coffee."

"I have a list of things you should avoid. Coffee is acidic and too much of it can damage your stomach, as well."

"I'm not giving up coffee, Logan."

"Can you at least cut down on it?"

"I doubt it."

"Like I said, I can't make you do anything, but the more you abuse your body the longer this is going to continue, and if it gets bad enough you might need surgery."

"Coffee and chocolate. My two favorite things in the world."

"Better than sex?" The words were out of Logan's mouth before he could stop them.

James smiled softly. "Lately, yes. I think I'm having sex with the wrong people."

"You should fix that."

"Working on it."

Their eyes were glued to each other for a long minute, Logan's body growing hot. The sound of heavy rock music suddenly filled the room and they jumped, Logan's hand immediately reaching for his phone. "Sorry, I forgot to put my phone on silent after you texted me." He quieted the phone and set it on the counter before turning back to James. "So hi."

"Hi," James grinned. "Should we talk more about sex?"

"It seems to be all we ever do."

"Which is probably a bad thing."

"Probably."

"And you probably have tons of other patients you need to be seeing right now."

"Probably," Logan repeated, not caring in the slightest.

His phone buzzed and Logan sighed, picking it up and going to pocket it but the words that appeared on the screen caused him to blush yet again. He shook his head and smiled, then dropped his phone into a pocket with a mental note to smack Kendall later.

"I should let you see them, then. Are we done here?"

"No, we are not done here. Sit back down." Why was James suddenly in a hurry to leave? Back in doctor mode, they finished discussing James' condition and what he needed to do about it. "I know it won't be easy, but it's what you have to do, James. Coffee is one of the worst irritants. As is soda. Let me go get you a pamphlet about it, and write up your lab orders. And I have a prescription to give you that'll help the acid reflux. Don't disappear on me."

James nodded with a sigh and Logan escaped for a few minutes, trying to get up the courage to ask James out for lunch. He was probably busy and who knew if he'd even want to be seen in public with Logan, but he _had_ almost asked once before, right?

When Jimmy was absent from outside James' room, Logan felt an intense panic take hold. _No. Please no, don't be gone from my life so soon. I'm not ready yet._ He opened the door and let out a breath when he saw them both in the room.

"If that's what needs to happen, then that's what's happening, James."

"I'm not giving up—oh, there you are. You told _him_ about the coffee?"

Logan glanced between them. "He was concerned about you. Asked how he could help."

"So now I got the watch dog on my ass. Thanks a lot, doc."

Jimmy grinned at Logan. "I'll work on him. Be right outside."

"Sorry," Logan offered when Jimmy was gone. "But you need to take care of yourself, James."

"But I love my coffeeeeee," James whined.

"And I love cheesecake, but I don't overindulge."

"You love cheesecake? I do, too."

_Do it, Logan. Do it right now._ "Oh? There's a deli on the corner that makes the best cheesecake I've ever had. I think you need to try it. Today."

James blinked at Logan, obviously surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. I was going there for lunch, if you need someone to show you where it's at."

James stared into Logan's eyes deeply, but then shook his head. "I would love to, but I have a flight to catch."

"Of course. I should've realized." _Don't break down, Logan, don't break down, this is not a big deal._ "Lab orders are right here, and this pamphlet explains everything you need to know about GERD. Though you can still call me if you have any questions." _Can you be more desperate, Logan?_

"Thanks. And the test, I just show up like before? Can I go right now?"

And just like that, Logan felt his heart shatter. "Sure. Might miss your flight, though," he said pointedly.

James' eyes widened and he knew he'd been caught. "Logan-"

"I'll call you when the results come in, just like before. And now we're done. You're free to go."

He could see that James was searching for something to say and he waited, but finally James nodded and stood up. "Thanks."

"Have a safe flight."

Again he felt that James wanted to say something, but he refused to look up. Obviously James was going to keep this professional, and deep down Logan knew it was best; unfortunately, his heart didn't care what was best.

"I'm sorry," was all James said before he walked out. Logan stood alone in the room, hand in his pocket rubbing the lollipop he'd brought along. He pulled it out and tossed it into the trashcan, feeling his hopes land there with it.

* * *

><p>"So he blew you off?"<p>

Logan nodded, miserable. They were back at Denny's but he wasn't eating. "I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up but he talked about some guy he can't stop thinking about and with the way we were flirting I was actually starting to think it was me."

"Maybe there's another reason he turned down a date. Something you don't know."

"No, I think it's this other guy. I can tell he's attracted to me, which is crazy enough, but I guess he's saving himself or something. I don't know. He did apologize."

"For what?"

"Everything? I don't even know if I'll ever see him again."

Kendall sighed and sat back. "Dude, I hate to see you like this. Why don't you call him?"

"There's nothing to say. I asked him out and he said no. Let me know he wasn't interested in that."

"Well, don't starve yourself over him. Here, have half my sandwich."

"I'm not hungry. I don't even want to go back to the office. I feel liking hiding under the covers all day."

"What time should I bring the cheesecake by?" Kendall asked, resigned. At the look on Logan's face, he added, "Whoa. Since when does cheesecake make you cry?"

"Since James. He even ruined cheesecake for me. Asshole."

"Want me to kick his ass? Because I will."

Logan favored Kendall with a wan smile. "I know you would. And thanks, but you tried to warn me. Told me he's not boyfriend material."

"Sucks being right all the time."

"Oh, shut up and give me some fries."

Ten minutes later Logan had devoured half of Kendall's sandwich as well and was at least smiling. That changed when James' ringtone went off. "Shit. I'm afraid to answer. I bet he says he's not coming back to my office. Fuck, Kendall, I can't stand that."

"Answer the phone."

"Voicemail. It'll be easier for him to let me down through voicemail."

"Logan, answer the phone!"

Logan shook his head and then Kendall reached across the table, snatching it out of his hand and pressing it to his ear. "Hello?" Logan watched with trepidation as Kendall continued. "Sure, he's right here, hang on." He held the phone out and hissed, "Talk to him!"

"No!" Logan whispered.

"Logan Mitchell, I swear to God if you don't take this phone I will tell him your favorite fantasy is to fuck on a pony while your mother watches and-"

"Jesus Christ, Kendall, shut the fuck up!" Logan grabbed the phone and glanced around. "I know some of these people! And that's just gross."

"Then talk to him or I will."

"Fine." He pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Dr. Mitchell, it's James. Am I interrupting something?"

_And we're back to Dr. Mitchell._ "No, just having lunch. What's up?"

"I..."

Logan waited, heart in his throat.

"Do I need to prepare for this test at all?"

"The test?"

"Yeah, the swallow thing."

"Oh. Right. Swallow." He stopped talking at the look Kendall gave him, then couldn't help but chuckle. "Here we go again."

"We seem to have a sex problem, doctor. Is there a cure for this? Some kind of meeting we can attend?"

"I think the only cure would be to stop talking to each other."

"I think...yeah."

"That would be kind of hard, though, seeing as I'm your doctor."

"True. I guess we're stuck with the sex talk."

"Guess so."

"I won't keep you."

"James, don't. Don't hang up, please."

James didn't answer right away but he didn't hang up, either. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered.

"For what?"

"Lying."

"It was an easy way to let me down. I understand."

"No, you actually don't, but we're gonna leave it at that."

"Okay. So, professional. I'm your doctor and you're my patient and that's the way it stays."

"I think that's best."

"I know it is."

"Right. Should I start calling your office instead of you?"

"No. Because I love talking to you."

Another hesitation, and then James joked, "That's because all we talk about is sex."

"Sex is good. Doctors recommend sex to relieve stress."

"I'll keep that in mind. How is this professional?"

"I'm sorry. You're right."

"Logan, I wasn't complaining, I just..."

"Don't worry about it. I have to get back to work, but you can call me anytime."

"Yeah, that's professional," Kendall grinned.

"You be quiet," Logan answered.

"What?" James asked.

"Not you. Sorry."

"I'll let you go. Call me, Dr. Mitchell."

"I will, Mr. Diamond."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"What was that all about?" Kendall asked with a grin.

"He wants to keep things professional," Logan answered, his voice cracking on the last word.

"Oh shit. Logan, not here. Go to the car. I'll pay and meet you there." He slid the keys across the table and Logan grabbed them, rushing to the car before breaking down. He was definitely going home to sulk and had no plans to leave his bed for the rest of the day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:** We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall. And I caved and at least mentioned Carlos. It just doesn't feel right without him.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

You guys are so awesome. I read the reviews and flail, sometimes even cry. It just makes me want to keep writing forever. If you're reading this now, thank you. I love you. You rock my world.

Short chapter, but we're finally getting somewhere. It shall alllll be reveeeeeeealed. *spooky noises* Yeah, I'm in a weird mood tonight.

* * *

><p>Locking himself in his room wasn't really hiding, though, as the subject of his depression stared down at him from all four walls. Logan considered ripping all the posters down, but in the end settled for pulling the blankets over his head. Kendall showed up with dinner and brownies at some point, and Logan thanked him for not bringing cheesecake.<p>

The next day he returned to work as if nothing had happened, feeling horrible for having canceled appointments the previous afternoon, and had his staff make phone calls to set up after-hours visits to make up for it. It was almost nine when he stepped out of the office, close to ten by the time he'd eaten and driven home. His usual habit after work was to catch up on the latest James Diamond news, but tonight he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't hate James or blame him in any way, but it hurt to see his face and hear his voice right now.

_So stupid to think something could happen between us. He's a famous rock star, what would he see in a nerdy doctor? So we flirt, big deal. Kendall flirts with me all the time, but it means nothing. We just joke around. Why did I let myself believe?_

Logan showered and climbed into bed, deciding a fresh start tomorrow would be the best thing he could do for his sanity. Maybe he would take the posters down, after all; surrounding himself with James wasn't going to help him get over the man. He spent five minutes staring at his favorite poster, the one where James was smirking at him with a twinkle in his eyes as if to say "You know you want me. Come get me." It made Logan crazy, but he couldn't bring himself to tear it down. He reached over and turned off the lamp, then settled back down with a sigh.

His mind wandered, wondering where James was and what he was doing. He actually knew what city James was in, having memorized the tour schedule months ago, but that didn't tell him anything. He knew James had performed a show in Boston earlier, knew if he went online right now he'd be able to find video and pics from the concert, but he forced himself to stay in bed. _Enough. No more thinking about James tonight. Give your brain a rest._

When his phone rang a few minutes later, he thought he was dreaming. He reached out for it anyway and tried not to hyperventilate when he saw that James was calling, not texting.

"Hello?" he answered hesitantly.

"Are you on call tonight?"

"I...no. Why, is something wrong?" Logan started to sit up.

"I'm in bed."

Trying to clear his head, Logan laid back down and absorbed what James had said. "Oh."

"Do you uh...remember what that means?"

Logan's heart slammed in his chest. "Yes," he whispered.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes."

"I need you."

"Tell me what you need."

"You."

"James-"

"Logan, fuck, just for tonight, please, I _need_ you."

"I'm right here," Logan answered. "Right here."

"Oh god, fuck."

Logan knew where James' hand was, could tell by his breathing and the sounds he was making. "James," he whined, his own hand slipping into his boxers.

"I love your smile," James managed.

"I love your eyes," Logan answered.

"Love the way you laugh."

"Love the way you look at me."

"Dying to kiss you."

"Need your hands on me."

"So many things I want to do to you, Logan. Go crazy thinking about it, imagining what you sound like screaming my name."

"James," Logan moaned, stroking harder.

"Fuck, just like that. Do it again."

"Oh god, James, need you, wish you were here, can't fucking breathe."

"Want your lips wrapped around me, need to feel you sucking my-"

"James, Jesus Christ, gonna pass out, gonna...gonna..."

"Do it."

Logan exploded in his own hand, barely managing to hold the phone to his ear but he could hear James falling apart on the other end as he came, collapsing back onto the bed with a long groan. "James," he panted. "James, fuck."

"Needed that. Oh god, needed that so bad."

"Yeah," Logan breathed, still trying to catch his breath. "I'm uh...glad I could help."

"Logan. I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep, it was driving me crazy and-"

"It's okay. Please call me whenever you can't sleep."

"I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stand it, I couldn't control myself-"

"It's okay," Logan repeated. "Fuck. More than okay."

"I know we agreed to keep things professional and I ruined it but I couldn't do it, couldn't stop thinking about you."

_Holy shit. Is it me after all?_ "There's nothing wrong with that."

"I need to go."

"James Diamond, don't you dare hang up on me right now."

"We should sleep."

"You think I can sleep after that?"

"Tired you out, didn't I?"

"Well, you certainly woke me up."

James chuckled. "I feel so much better."

"Told you. Sex relieves stress."

"It relaxes me, too. I think I can finally sleep."

"Fine. Go to sleep. But I'm just a phone call away if you have more stress to let off."

"I'll remember that," James laughed. "Goodnight, Dr. Mitchell."

Logan sighed. "Goodnight, James."

* * *

><p>Logan woke up floating on air the next morning, but when the entire day passed without even a word from James, his elation faded. He laid in bed that night waiting, hoping for something, but there was nothing. The next day passed, and then the next and the next, and still nothing. By the time an entire week had gone by, he'd almost begun to think he'd dreamed it.<p>

Kendall suggested he make the next move, but Logan couldn't bring himself to do it. Twice he'd laid in bed with his phone in his hand, fingers ready to press the buttons but both times he chickened out. On the eighth day he laid awake half the night, his body screaming for him to call James, until finally he cracked. All he knew was that James was in Florida, and he prayed James was alone and wouldn't hate him for calling at four a.m. local time.

The phone was answered on the second ring. "Logan, thank god, talk to me."

"I need you."

"Right here."

It was a repeat of the previous time, with the addition of more detailed descriptions of what they wanted to do to each other and a lot more moaning. When it was over both of them were smiling and shaken and exhausted. "Missed you," James murmured.

"Should've called."

"Almost did tonight. I was forcing myself to sleep instead. Didn't work."

"Good thing I called, then."

"Always a good thing. My results back yet?"

"No. I would've called about that."

"Damn."

"Probably in the next few days."

"Alright. I have a few days off, that would be the best time for an appointment."

"Just let me know."

"Okay. Goodnight."

_And once again, you're brushing me off._ "Night," Logan answered, hanging up with yet another sigh.

XOXO

When Logan next called James, it was as his doctor. "When can you come in?"

"Tomorrow. Anything I need to worry about?"

"No. Just come in."

"So the results came back?"

"Why else would I call you?" He hadn't meant it to sound quite that way, but it was too late to recall the words.

"Right. Tomorrow, then."

"See you then."

"Sure. Bye, Dr. Mitchell."

"Bye."

* * *

><p>"Come here, let me fix your collar."<p>

Logan went to Kendall, feeling like an idiot. "I can't believe I actually went out and bought a new shirt just for this."

"You look hot. Red's your color, dude, he won't be able to resist you."

"My hair okay?"

"It's fine. Now what are you gonna do today?"

Logan sat down at his desk. "Tell him how I feel."

"Good boy. And how do you feel?"

"I want more."

"And what if he says he's not interested?"

"That it's fine but I had to let him know. That I couldn't stand it anymore and if he isn't interested in me that way, I'll move on."

"Very good." Kendall dropped into the chair across from Logan. "And if you need to take off the rest of the day, don't feel guilty. You never take time for yourself."

"It's ridiculous that I let him do this to me, that I miss work over him. I was always able to keep it separate before, you know? There was work, and there was James Diamond."

"That changed when James Diamond invaded work."

"I know. Maybe I should just tell him to find another doctor."

"Well, you said this should be the last visit, right? After today you know what's wrong and he's got his medicine and the rest is up to him."

"He should still see me for check-ups occasionally, as his doctor I would be remiss to not schedule a follow-up."

"Do what you need to do, Logan. And I'm still willing to kick his ass if you need me to."

"That's because you're the best friend I could ever ask for." Logan stood up and walked around the desk, Kendall rising to hug him. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Be lost and sad. Grow old and be the crazy guy with fifty cats."

"A hundred," Logan chuckled, hugging Kendall tighter.

He didn't hear the door open behind him, but sensed it when Kendall tensed and stood up. Logan spun around in time to see the door closing. "What was that?"

"That was James."

"What?"

"Yeah. I looked up and he was staring at us and...he didn't look thrilled."

"Shit. Since when does he barge into my office?"

"You'd better go talk to him."

"I was waiting for a text to let me know he was here."

"Well, he's here. Just so you know."

"Thanks, Kendall," Logan said sarcastically. He started to leave but Kendall stopped him.

"Don't you need this?" he smirked, holding out a lollipop.

Logan glared at him. "At this rate, I don't even think _that's_ gonna work."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

I try to be accurate in my stories, so in this I chose to give James a medical condition I have dealt with for years rather than try to write something I know nothing about. In this story James did not grow up in Minnesota with Logan and Kendall. And I caved and at least mentioned Carlos. It just doesn't feel right without him.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

You guys are so awesome. I read the reviews and flail, sometimes even cry. It just makes me want to keep writing forever. If you're reading this now, thank you. I love you. You rock my world.

This is not the last chapter. JSYK.

* * *

><p>Logan nodded at Jimmy before stepping into the room, then closed the door and turned to face James. "Hey."<p>

"Doctor."

_Fuck, here we go with this again._ "Did you just go into my office?"

James flushed. "I was going to say hi, thought I'd pop in, but I realize now that was a bad idea. Completely unprofessional."

"It's not a big deal, I just wasn't-"

"Can we just talk about the test? Tell me what's wrong with me."

_You can't stop driving me crazy, that's what's wrong with you!_ "Fine," Logan said, voice clipped. "Your esophagus is damaged. It will take time to heal. The prescription I gave you should reduce the acid so that it does. Are you having any more chest pain?"

"Not really, no. I've been taking the Prevacid and using the Tums when I need them and it's been a lot better."

"Good. Keep taking it and try to watch what you eat and drink and come back to see me in six months for a follow-up unless there are any other complications."

"Fine."

"Great."

"So we're done here."

"Totally."

"Thanks for everything, doc."

"It's what I do, Mr. Diamond."

James threw him an unreadable look but then stood up and walked out of the room, Logan fighting with himself to remain where he was instead of running after James to beg him to stay. He waited a minute before carrying the chart out to the nurses' desk and making a quick notation, his heart feeling like it was going to burst in his chest because he couldn't calm down. A flash of color caught his eye and he looked into a nearby trashcan with a frown. "What is that?" he asked.

One of his nurses shrugged. "Mr. Diamond tossed it in there on his way in to the exam room. I figured it was from a fan."

Logan reached in and pulled out what looked to be a bouquet made of... "Lollipops. Holy shit." He was stunned for a few seconds before setting it on the counter. "I have to go!" he shouted back as he ran from the office, starting to pull his phone from his pocket but he caught sight of Jimmy turning a corner into the parking structure and put on a burst of speed, catching them just as they reached the elevator. "James! Wait!"

James spun around, eyes wide and hands in his pockets.

The elevator doors opened and it was blessedly empty, so Logan pushed James back into the elevator and kissed him, pressing him up against the wall. He vaguely heard Jimmy mutter under his breath and close the elevator doors, waiting until the elevator started moving to press the stop button and by then James was kissing him back, practically wrapped around Logan's body as if he couldn't get close enough.

James gripped his shirt and pulled it out of the waistband of his pants, hands sliding down into them to cup Logan's ass as his mouth continued the assault on Logan's. Logan's hands returned the favor and wandered up under James' shirt, nails scraping lightly to leave James shuddering.

"Why does everything have to be professional with you?" Logan finally asked, breathless.

"I'm not the one with a boyfriend."

"Boyfriend? Kendall? Kendall is not my boyfriend! We've been friends since preschool, James! He was consoling me because I was upset about you!"

"That was more than a friendly hug. And it's not my business because-"

"Yes, it is! I want it to be your business! I want everything I do to be your business! Why can't you just admit that you want me?"

"The phone calls didn't clue in?"

Logan fought for calm. "I can't figure you out, James. Every time we get close to something, you decide it needs to be professional. What are you so afraid of?"

James swallowed, looking away before meeting Logan's eyes again. "You."

"Me?"

"You scare the shit out of me. I can't stop thinking about you. From the day we met, and it's driving me crazy, and I want you, I want you to be the one, and I'm so afraid you won't be. Or you will be, but you won't feel the same."

"You don't give us a chance to find out! You keep hanging up and running away and...James, I want to be the one. You can't live your life afraid."

"I never have. Not until you. And we hardly know each other, so I don't understand why I feel this...this...thing. This powerful thing that won't leave me in peace. And it's pissing me off!"

"Have dinner with me. Please, James. Just have dinner with me once. Get to know me, decide then. Don't write me off until you know me and can say for sure I'm not the one."

"What if you _are _the one? Then I'm screwed because I stand the chance of losing you."

"Take that chance with me. Let me prove to you that I'm worth the risk."

"Do it, Jamie."

They both looked over at Jimmy, having forgotten he was even there.

"I mean it. I've never seen you the way you are about this guy. Take the chance, man. Love like this doesn't come around too often."

"We don't even know each other well enough to love yet."

Logan smiled. "You know, usually I'm the one who says things like that. Who is cautious and over-analyzes everything, who doesn't take risks. When it comes to you, though, I have no self-control."

"I kind of like that," James replied.

"I hate it. But I can't fight it. There's never been anyone like you, James Diamond."

"That's true enough."

"Please. Dinner. Tonight."

"Can we maybe have sex, too?"

Logan laughed. "I don't see how we could avoid it. We can't even talk for five minutes without sex coming into it."

James grinned. "You said 'coming' again."

Logan rolled his eyes. "See that? Just proved my point."

"Guys, can we move this elevator again? I'm starting to get claustrophobic and I'm sure there are some pissed off people waiting."

"Yeah, go ahead, Jimmy," James answered, pulling Logan into his arms. "What time am I picking you up?"

"Do I need to go home and change first?"

"Hell, no. You aren't taking that shirt off until I take it off you myself. You look amazing in red."

"Thank you. You look amazing in anything. Probably in nothing, as well."

James chuckled and kissed Logan again as the elevator started moving. "I need to warn you, though, that if we go out for dinner, Jimmy goes with us."

"Oh, of course. That's fine. He won't be in the bedroom with us, will he?"

"No. That's alone time. He is right in the next room, though."

"We can stay in instead, if you'd rather."

"I like the sound of that. You live nearby?"

"I do," Logan purred, lifting up on his toes to kiss James again as the doors opened. "We can bring something home and then-" he paused, panic setting in at the idea of bringing James into his house.

"And then what? I want to hear the rest of that."

"I'm sure you can imagine," he answered, distracted. "Uh...there's something I need to tell you. Can we talk in my office for a few minutes before you leave?"

"Sure. I have the next few days off, so I don't have to be anywhere."

Logan led them back to the building and Jimmy took up a post next to Logan's door while Logan informed his head nurse he would be a few minutes longer and to please apologize to the patients he'd kept waiting as well as refunding the cost of the office visit. He grabbed James' hand and pulled him into the office, surprised to see Kendall sitting there holding the bouquet.

"I think these are for you," he smirked at Logan, holding it out.

Logan snatched them from him, turning to James to thank him but halting when he took in the expression on James' face. "Whoa, calm down. I told you. Just friends."

Kendall stood up. "_Close_ friends," he said to James.

Logan's eyes widened. "Kendall, what are you doing?"

"I just want to make sure he knows. Anyone breaks my best friend's heart, they answer to me."

"I'm sorry, are you trying to intimidate me? Because I'm James Diamond, and I'm not afraid of anyone."

"Guys, hold on. Let's start over, okay? James, this is Kendall. My best friend. Kendall, this is James. My..."

"Boyfriend," James finished firmly, glaring at Kendall.

"Doesn't change what I said. Nobody hurts Logan and gets away with it."

"He didn't hurt me, Kendall! It was a misunderstanding! Now will you give us five minutes alone?"

James and Kendall were still staring each other down, so Logan grabbed Kendall by the arm and dragged him out of the office. "Are you nuts? I finally get him and you're gonna pull that shit?"

"I want him to know he can't treat you like dirt, alright?"

"He isn't going to. We're having dinner tonight and then probably sex and...well. That's if he still wants to talk to me after I tell him everything."

"What's everything?"

"That I'm an obsessed fan."

"Dude, that's a bad idea."

"You're the one who said I should be honest!"

"I'm just telling you, he's not going to look at you the same way after."

"I know. But he's gonna figure it out and it's better that he does it now."

"Good luck. I'll wait around in case you need me."

"You're not kicking his ass."

"We'll see."

With a sigh Logan returned to his office, where James was waiting with arms crossed over his chest. "He's a little protective of me. Always has been."

"Sure he's not in love with you?"

"Positive. He's got his own guy that he pines over."

"He's a dick."

"He just looks out for me. Kind of like Jimmy does for you."

"So I've got a bodyguard to deal with, too?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Okay. He doesn't have to be an asshole, though."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. He's not used to seeing me in love, and he knows how badly I've been wanting this, and...is that why you kept pulling back? You thought he was more?"

James shrugged. "I knew there was somebody else. Someone who made you blush with dirty texts, and answered your phone."

"Jesus, James. It's just Kendall. He means a lot to me, but he's not you. He doesn't...surprise me with a bouquet of lollipops. Which I love, by the way. Why'd you throw them away?"

"I saw you with him, and I just...snapped."

"Come here." James approached slowly, and Logan slid his arms around James' waist and held him close. "It felt nothing like this."

James' lips pressed against Logan's hair. "You really do scare me. You say the things I want to hear. Make me laugh harder than I have since I was a kid. Take over my brain so that I can't think about anything else. I meet so many guys every day but none of them look at me the way you do."

Logan swallowed, nervous again. "Because they're fans?"

"Yeah, I mean they see me a certain way and what they see isn't a lie, but it's not all of me. There's so much more."

"But if a fan got to know more of you, that would be okay, right? You could consider dating one then?"

"Not now," James grinned. "I'm a little wrapped up in someone else."

Logan stepped back and lowered James to the chair in front of his desk. He scooted back onto the desk, facing James with his hands clasped together. "I need to tell you that when I walked into the exam room that first day, I knew exactly who you were."

"Most people do," James answered. "I _am_ pretty famous."

"Yeah, but...um..." _Breathe, Logan. If he walks out of your life, it's best he does it now. _ "I was already a fan."

"Oh. But you didn't ask for an autograph."

Logan chuckled. "Well, technically I already had it on the forms you signed when you came in. But I...James, if you don't want to date me I totally understand, but before I met you...I was completely obsessed with you."

James frowned. "How obsessed?"

"Um. Like um. Uh. Posters on my bedroom wall obsessed?"

"There are posters of me on your bedroom wall?"

Logan nodded, more embarrassed than he ever had been in his life. "I've seen you in concert thirty-seven times."

"What!"

"Yeah. I kind of-"

"How come I've never met you?"

"I never tried to meet you. I didn't think I'd-"

"You should have! We'd have been fucking five years ago! We could be married by now!"

Logan's jaw dropped. "Married?"

"Okay, totally jumping the gun on that. Don't run, I'm willing to wait. A long time, if that's what you need."

Logan tried to wrap his head around the fact that James Diamond might possibly want to marry him someday. "So you're not mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad? My boyfriend is obsessed with me and I should be mad?"

"Well...I...you don't feel like I lied to you?"

"Did you?"

"Not exactly, I just didn't tell you that I was a huge fan."

"I admit, it would've made me a little less open to tell you things as my doctor if I'd known that, but as far as a boyfriend? Please. Worship me."

Logan shook his head, grinning. "You are a classic case of narcissism."

"Is that bad? You say it like it's bad and I don't know what that word means."

"It's...you. And I've been in love with you for almost five years."

"So when I thought you didn't know me...you did."

"Not really. I knew a lot about you, and knew how you presented yourself to the world, but...when you sat in the exam room that day and told me about your grandma, and I saw how terrified you were, I loved you for that. Not for the man whose posters I have all over my wall."

"So you met me and still love me? That's pretty cool. Doesn't always happen that way."

"Love you more. The real kind of love. Now we just need to spend more time together so you can love me."

"I have a feeling it won't be a problem; I'm already halfway there." James stood up and moved to stand between Logan's legs, kissing him soundly and in a way that had Logan looking forward to all-night lovemaking sessions.

"You're in town for a few days?"

"Yeah. You have to work, right?"

"I get a lunch hour. And my nights are free."

"So we get breakfast together, too, because I'm staying all night."

"Can't wait. Crap, I need to get out there. I have patients waiting. I've lost enough work over you."

"You lost work?"

"Last time you left I was so upset I spent the rest of the day hiding in my bed and sulking."

"If you want to hide in your bed over me, I expect it to be for a different reason."

"So give me a better reason tonight. Show me what I'm missing when we're apart."

James' hand slid down between Logan's legs to squeeze him. "It's so much better when we're together. And when we're not, there's always the phone."

Logan moaned, tempted to lean back and force James to take him right there. "Patients," Logan reminded him.

"I have none."

It took a second, but then Logan got it and laughed. "No, I meant I have patients waiting."

"Oh. Right. Sex on the brain."

"Yeah, that's not a bad thing."

"Okay. Go see your patients and I'll pick you up at..."

"Seven."

"Seven it is. I have to bring Jimmy with me to your house, though."

"I know. There's a spare room for him."

James kissed him again, breaking away with a sigh. "Seven. Be ready."

"I'm more than ready."

"See you, Doctor Mitchell."

For once it didn't bother him to hear that. "I'll be waiting, Mr. Diamond."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** We all know I do not own Big Time Rush or anything affiliated with them or the show or their characters. They are owned by Sony/Nick/Scott Fellows. I write because it has to come out somehow or I'll go insane and obviously make no money off this.

Every time I tell myself I'm not going to write another fic, inspiration strikes. Here we have another James/Logan, because they still capture my heart. It's been more than a year since I wrote my first Jagan fic, and to this day I'm enchanted with them in all forms. They make me smile when nothing else does and maybe that's sad but it's true, so this is what I do. Thanks to those who have told me I write them well; it means a lot to know others appreciate my crazy obsession as well.

Dedicating this to **kathrynew30**, because she kept pushing me to write more Jagan and this is what came out. I think if not for her I wouldn't write nearly as much as I do, and in that she is a constant source of encouragement. Thank you, Kathryn, for giving me the kick in the butt I need to keep doing this. Also **PromiseMeTheStars** listens to my rambling ideas and gives awesome input, and of course **Aranelle** says nice things to me about my writing and makes me want to write more so she'll continue to say nice things. It's a vicious cycle.

You guys are so awesome. I read the reviews and flail, sometimes even cry. It just makes me want to keep writing forever. If you're reading this now, thank you. I love you. You rock my world.

So this last chapter turned out to be A LOT of dialogue (which is saying something, because we know pretty much all I write is dialogue), but James and Logan had a lot to talk about and clear up before they could move forward. I hope I closed it up nicely and neatly and left you satisfied and smiling.

HOWEVER. It turns out this won't be the last you see of this version of James and Logan because Kendall...well. Kendall. The pain in my ass. I think I mentioned once that he takes over my stories and somehow changes them and demands attention? Yeah. He didn't change the direction of this one, thank God, but he did demand attention and as I wrote this last chapter he kept wanting me to talk about Carlos. Apparently he has a backstory involving Carlos and has informed me that I need to write it. So...since I can never seem to say no to Kendall, there will indeed be a sequel to this story that centers around Kendall and Carlos (with appearances by James and Logan, of course.) I know Kenlos isn't everybody's thing and if you choose not to read the sequel, I totally understand, but Kendall won't shut up AND I CAN PROMISE YOU THIS TIME JAMES AND LOGAN WILL NOT BREAK UP. NO MATTER WHAT.

So yeah. This is the last chapter. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, guys. Honestly it makes my day. I'll be sitting at work wanting to cry because I'm so stressed and then I check my email and I'm instantly smiling and happy and wanting to rush home to write more. So thank you. And yeah, I still talk way too much in my notes, but so do my characters, and this is where they get it. Life imitates art. Or something.

Thanks for making it to the end with me. :)

* * *

><p>Logan waited a few minutes before opening the door and poking his head out. He spied Kendall leaning against the nurses' counter, flirting with his receptionist. "Kendall! Get in here!"<p>

Kendall spun around. "Hey! How'd it go?"

"You didn't see him leave?" Logan stepped back to allow Kendall to enter the room, then closed the door.

"I did, but we didn't speak to each other. We kind of..."

"Glared?"

"Something like that."

Logan sighed. "He's my boyfriend. You need to accept that."

"So he didn't freak out?"

"He's my boyfriend. I really just said that. Kendall, he's my boyfriend. He wants to date me. Possibly marry me someday."

"Now, hold on. Don't get ahead of yourself, you hardly know him."

"He's the one who mentioned marriage, not me."

Kendall's jaw dropped. "Are you joking?"

"No! He...it _was_ me. All this time, it was me he couldn't stop thinking about. And we're having dinner tonight and we're gonna talk everything out and...I don't know. I guess after spending that much time together, we might decide we don't want to date. Anything's possible. But I'm determined to at least get sex out of it."

"Damn, dude! Since when do you aggressively go after sex?"

"Since James Diamond. You know he changes everything. None of my rules apply to him."

Kendall nodded, sitting down in the chair. "So I expect a phone call."

"Not until morning. He is not leaving my house tonight."

Laughing, Kendall shook his head. "I've never seen you like this. But Logan...you really don't know him that well. You know him as a star, and you know him as a patient, but...you know?"

"I know."

"What if you guys get to know each other and realize you have nothing in common?"

"Then we'll deal with it. I hate to think of that, though."

"Yeah. I just...don't want to see you like me. Living every day of your life missing someone who will never be yours the way you want him to."

Logan reached out to squeeze Kendall's shoulder. "I know. I wish there was something I could do about that."

"There isn't, though. He likes girls. End of story." Kendall shrugged, letting it drop. "One of us pining over someone is enough. Imagine if we both did? What then?"

"We'd grow old together and you could help me raise my fifty cats."

"A hundred," Kendall corrected with a grin. "But you deserve to be happy. If James is what you need, if he makes you happy, then I'm all for it."

"You deserve that, too, you know. Just because he's an idiot who doesn't see what's right in front of his face-"

"You can't make someone gay, Logan. All the flirting in the world hasn't changed it, and I've accepted it."

"So instead you try to chat up my receptionist."

"She's hot."

"Also engaged."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Damn. I thought I was getting somewhere."

"She's also pregnant."

"Well, fuck. Can't I ever catch a break?"

"Maybe James has a hot friend you can go for. I'll ask."

"Don't even think about it. We're talking about you, not me. Go out to dinner with him, find out why he was such a dick-"

"He was never a dick. He was just scared."

"So? Still no reason to break your heart."

"I'm fine, Kendall. But thank you." Logan pulled Kendall up out of his chair and hugged him tight.

"Be careful, your boyfriend might see us."

"My _boyfriend_ has to get used to the fact that I hug my best friend."

"Can I still kick his ass when you two fight? Because eventually you'll argue over something."

"Only if I can kick Carlos' ass for being an idiot."

Kendall sighed. "No, you can't. Nobody hurts Carlos."

"And nobody hurts James. Deal?"

"I guess. You know Carlos asks me all the time why you and I don't get together?"

Logan stepped back. "He asks me, too. I never know what to say except that we don't think of each other that way."

"That's pretty much what I tell him, too. Kind of kills me when he asks, though."

"Yeah. So I don't know what James has in mind for the next few days, that'll all depend on how tonight goes, but if I'm not busy with him we can do lunch or dinner."

"I've been relegated to 'If I'm not busy' status. Figures," Kendall teased.

"Please, you've always been second to James, remember?"

Kendall laughed and nodded. "True."

"And you know I'm joking."

"Only slightly." At Logan's answering blush, Kendall said, "Get back to work, doctor. And fuck him like no one ever has, make sure he can't live without you by the time morning comes."

"I'm just gonna be myself. Isn't that usually your approach?"

"Yeah, and it works most of the time."

"Go home and eat some brownies. And dude, if you need to talk, just call me. I don't care if James is there."

"I'm not calling you until at least morning. Have fun tonight. Same goes for you, if it doesn't work out, I'm here."

"I know. Thanks, dude."

"Always."

* * *

><p>There was a knock on the door, then Logan looked up to see James' beautiful face peeking in. "No working late tonight. You're mine."<p>

Logan grinned. "I just finished up my last notes. You're late."

"Yeah, well. Had to make a stop on the way."

"Condoms?"

James' eyes widened and he laughed. "Always the doctor. And no, I didn't even think of that. Though I should have, I suppose."

"I got us covered, it's cool."

"Do you have sex often enough that I should be worried?"

"Me? No. But you made it sound like you do."

James glanced back and said something to someone Logan assumed was Jimmy, then stepped inside and closed the door. "I haven't had sex in over a year."

Logan's mouth dropped open. "What? A year? Why?"

"Mostly it got to be boring. I never thought I'd say that, but..."

"You weren't kidding when you said chocolate and coffee are better than sex."

"I'm hoping tonight will change my outlook on that."

Logan stood up, suddenly nervous. Sex wasn't something he'd practiced enough to be anywhere near a pro at it. "I'll do my best."

"Logan. Hey." James stepped closer to pull Logan into his arms. "I'm not concerned about it. If phone sex with you was enough to get me off in less than a minute, I don't think we have anything to worry about."

"I've had sex before, but nothing...just not a lot of it."

James smiled and pressed his lips to Logan's. "We're gonna change that."

_Now? Can we do that now? Right here on my desk?_ "How is it that even the idea of sex with you gets me hard?"

"Because that's how sex is supposed to work. When it's right, just talking about it is enough." James moved his lips to Logan's ear and whispered, "That's how it's gonna be when I'm gone. Gonna make you scream my name every night by my voice alone."

Logan shuddered, fingers digging into James' back. "Ready to go?"

"Been ready. Now come on, I have plans for you."

Logan grabbed his jacket and bag, taking one last look at the bouquet he'd arranged on his desk before letting James lead him out of the building. He said goodnight to his head nurse and locked up, then smiled at Jimmy, who was waiting just outside. "So I'm Logan."

"I'm aware," Jimmy grinned. "Nice to meet you. Officially."

"You, too. You know, James, I have my car here. Why don't you guys follow me home?"

"We could do that," James said hesitantly.

"You're not going in his car, James."

"I know that, Jimmy. Logan, you won't like...I mean if you've changed your mind about this-"

"Changed my mind? Are you kidding me? What, you think I'd try to lose you on the way home?"

James looked away, biting his lip.

"Hey. Whoa. You've got my number anyway, if that ever happened. How about I...give me your phone."

James handed it over immediately. Logan found a navigation program and typed in his home address. "There. Now there's no way you can lose me. You know where I live."

With a bright grin, James took his phone back.

"I don't plan to go anywhere, James. If after tonight you decide this isn't going to work, you can tell me that."

"I'm not leaving you."

"I'm just saying, we don't know what's gonna happen. Maybe we'll find out we can't stand each other."

In two seconds Logan was wrapped up in James' arms and being kissed in a way that left his head spinning. When James finally stepped back, he said "Tell me you really think that's gonna happen."

Logan cleared his throat. "Uh...no. I think...no."

"Good. I've got dinner in the car. Italian okay?"

"Italian's great."

"See you soon." One more kiss, and then they were moving to their cars.

Every time Logan glanced into his rear view mirror to see James watching him, he smiled. His heart beat faster and his stomach fluttered with nerves. He opened the garage door when he arrived, pulling in and motioning for James to do the same. After shutting off the cars and stepping out, Logan smiled over the roof of his. "Hi."

"Hey, sexy."

"I got the food," Jimmy said.

"I'll get our bags," James added.

"Bags? Planning on staying a while?"

"Hoping to," James answered.

"Fine with me."

Logan led them into the house, showing Jimmy where the kitchen was before James followed him to the bedroom. "This is the guest room for Jimmy, and this is mine." Grateful he kept a tidy house, Logan motioned James into his bedroom.

"Wow. You weren't kidding. I'm all over the place."

"Uh...yeah. Is it too weird?"

"It's awesome. Is that like...damn, Logan. How many copies of each CD do you need?"

"Well, some are special editions and have bonus tracks and-"

"Which you can get on iTunes."

"I did that, too."

James turned to grin at him. "Look at you, all flustered. I do this to you?"

"You do a lot of things to me."

Setting down the bags on Logan's bed, James nodded. "I like that. Oh, that one's my favorite."

Logan glanced up to see James was referring to his own favorite poster. "Mine, too."

"I remember posing for that one. Perfected that look."

"Yeah. It's...wow."

Spinning around to face Logan, James gave him the look.

"Fuck, James. Jesus. Can we skip dinner?"

"Fine by me."

James' hands were on him after that, tugging at his pants. Breathing ragged, Logan started to lift James' shirt.

"Guys! I'm hungry! Can we eat now?"

James let out a frustrated groan. "Damn. I hate to make him wait."

"Yeah. We can do this. We have a lot to talk about anyway."

"What if after we talk you don't want me to stay?"

"James Diamond, you are not leaving this house until you fuck me. Do you understand?"

"Mmm. Doctor's orders."

"Damn right. It's for your own good."

"Stress reliever."

"You know it."

Unable to help himself, James dragged Logan forward for a deep kiss, reaching down to stroke him through the pants. Logan moaned softly and held on, rocking into the touch.

"Guys! Seriously! It's getting cold!"

"Fuck!" James whined, pushing Logan away. "Okay. Talk first. Swear we'll still fuck?"

"Promise."

"It's not like that's all I want from you. I don't want you to think that."

"No, I know. But a year is a long time. I understand the frustration."

"How long for you?"

"About two."

"Years?"

"Yeah. Too busy to date, really."

"Not anymore."

Logan grinned and pulled James out of the room. "Promise?"

"I'll make sure you find time for sex."

"I work a lot."

"You can't work 24/7."

"Who'd want to when I have this waiting for me?"

"Even when I'm not here, I demand time with you. Phone, webcam, I don't care."

"Webcam? Sounds naughty."

"Only because it's us."

"True." Logan's eyes bugged out when he saw the kitchen table laid out with an elegant tablecloth and candles, accompanied by wine and a huge selection of dishes. "Wow."

"That's why I was late. Getting all that." James kissed the side of Logan's neck from behind, arms around his waist.

"You're a romantic?"

"Never was before."

Jimmy spoke up. "I'll be in the next room. James, you know the routine. Anything weird, yell for me."

"Got it. Thanks, Jimmy. For everything."

"It's nice to see you smiling. Enjoy your dinner, boys. And let me know when you move to the room so I can do the same." He took his own plate and wine and went into the den, where Logan heard the television flip on.

"I kind of figured he was always in the same room as you."

"Practically. He knows I need time alone with you, though. To talk," James clarified when Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Of course." He moved toward the table, surprised when James rushed around to pull out his seat. "Are you for real?"

"It's important to treat you right."

"Just be yourself, James. It's all you need to do."

"Okay. I can do that." James took a seat across from Logan and lit the candles carefully.

Logan couldn't look away. How was it possible for a man to be so beautiful, and more importantly, in his dining room?

"I like the way you're looking at me."

Logan smiled, blushing slightly. "You have this mesmerizing effect on me."

"I could say the same. From the moment I saw you."

"In my office?"

"Yeah. I've never seen a doctor who looked like you. Most of them are old and boring. And I was terrified, but there you were, taking my breath away and making me laugh and...talking about lollipops. It was like a dream come true."

"You were going to ask me out that day, weren't you?"

"I was. But we were late. Would you have come with me?"

"Yes. I freaked out before I walked into that exam room."

James picked up a plate and started dishing out food. "You knew it was me?"

"I knew when I saw Jimmy. I recognized him. I had to run back to my office and freak out."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," Logan blushed.

"That's adorable. So when you came in, you were in...fan mode?"

"I was trying hard not to be."

"You hid it well."

"Thanks," Logan answered, referring to the food James passed him. "But after I was in the room with you for about ten minutes, I started to see you not as James Diamond, but as...well. My patient."

"How boring."

"No, because I still wanted you. I mean, you were still James Diamond. But you were...a real person, too. One who was afraid he was dying."

"Yeah, that."

"Why are you so afraid of it?"

"It's not so much death I'm afraid of," James replied, digging into his plate of food. "It's what I'll miss out on if I die too soon."

"And you said your only unrealized dream is...a great love?"

James nodded. "It's not something I ever thought was meant for me. My two greatest dreams conflict each other. How can you have a great, devoted love when you're married to your career?"

"I'm pretty much married to my career, too. The only thing I ever did outside of work was you."

"And Kendall?"

"He makes sure I get out once in a while and live a little. Makes sure I eat and take time to do silly things like go to the movies and catch a hockey game here and there."

"I love hockey."

Logan grinned. "Me too! My team is the Wild."

"I prefer the Sharks. They kick ass. Though the Kings are always...wait. That's where I've seen Kendall! Kendall Knight."

"Yes. He used to be on the Wild, fought hard to get on that team, but he was transferred to L.A. about a year ago."

"Bet he hated that, if you two are Wild fans."

"He actually requested the transfer."

"Because of you?"

"No, because of our friend. The one he's in love with. It was hard for Kendall to see him so much after I moved out here. He had to watch the man he loves date other people and it made him crazy. It wasn't so bad when I was there, too, but after I left he couldn't handle it. So he moved out here."

"So Kendall's gay."

"Bi. But I swear, he's not into me like that."

James nodded. "Does your friend know how he feels?"

"No. He's an idiot. I love the guy, but he's clueless when it comes to Kendall."

"That's actually...wow. I kind of like Kendall a little bit after hearing all that."

"He's not a bad guy, James. He's my best friend and that's not going to change just because I have a boyfriend. Don't you have a best friend?"

"Sadly, no. I've never been good with friends. A little too...what was the word?"

"Narcissistic?"

"Yeah, that. I don't share well."

"The only thing you have to share me with is Kendall. And work."

"Well, you have to share me with Jimmy. And work."

"I can do that."

"So I uh...Googled you."

Logan cracked up. "Did you now? Was it good for you?"

"Mmm, we shall see." James sipped some wine before sitting back. "I mean before I ever went to your office. I was told by a few people that you were the best, so I checked you out. I saw that you sometimes travel and give lectures."

"I don't do that a lot anymore, with my practice and the hospital there's not a lot of time."

"Well, I travel the country a lot myself. I was thinking that there are probably conferences all over the place that would love to have Dr. Logan Mitchell speak. Conferences that take place in whatever city I happen to be in."

Logan was a little stunned. "Are you...James, are you suggesting I tour with you?"

"I know you won't be able to do that. You have your own thing going on here. But you know. A weekend here and there...maybe a few weekends a month. That's just when I'm touring, though. Because if I don't see you at least a few times a month, I'll go insane. You wouldn't believe how hard it's been for me to not call you every single day."

"But that's what I don't understand," Logan replied. "Why didn't you? You'd act like you missed me but then suddenly turn it off, like you didn't care. Was it the professional thing?"

"Partly. Mostly it was...Kendall."

"Kendall?"

"I was scared. I told you that much. Terrified that you were everything I'd always wanted but you wouldn't return my feelings. And I've never been in love. How did I even know this was love? All I knew is you were driving me crazy and I'd only spent like fifteen minutes in your presence. Then we talked on the phone and it got worse. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to call you all the time. You made me laugh. You had this smile. You listened to me when I spoke, not because I was James Diamond, but because you cared what I had to say. You cared if I lived or died."

"A lot of people do, James."

"Yes, but you cared about_ me_. Like Jimmy does. Like my mom does."

"Like your grandma did?" Logan asked softly.

"My grandma was the only person in my life who was always happy to see me. My mom loves me, but she was busy with her own thing. My dad...his mind was always elsewhere. I'd go over to Grandma's after school and she'd help me with my homework, bake me cookies, stuff like that. She'd call me every night before I went to bed, just to say goodnight. And then suddenly she was gone. And there was nobody who cared the way she did."

Logan wiped his mouth and then stood up to make his way over to James. He pulled James' chair out some before sitting sideways on his lap with an arm around his shoulders. "I'll call you every single night before bed, James. I'll say goodnight and tell you I love you."

James' arms slid around Logan's waist. "I wanted you to be the one. I've never wanted anything the way I wanted that."

"Let me be. Give me the chance. Quit running away."

"I'd get close and then just when I let myself believe, Kendall would somehow show up."

"Kendall?"

"Yeah! That's why I said no when you asked me to lunch. I was ready, was letting myself do this, and then you got a text that made you blush and I knew there was someone else."

"But there wasn't."

"And then I left and decided I'd been an idiot to let you go, so I called you and was going to beg you to meet me for cheesecake but then..."

"He answered my phone."

James nodded, eyes sad. "And then I had to think up something to say and..."

"Told me we should keep it professional."

"It just seemed like every time I decided to make a move, this guy got in the way."

"Why didn't you just ask me?"

"How was it my place? We flirted but I had no claim on you. You could've easily had a boyfriend. And then I couldn't stand it, I had to call you that night because I was going crazy, and thank God you were alone."

"But then as soon as it was over you wanted to hang up. You did that twice."

"I couldn't let myself get too close."

Logan sighed. "The only reason Kendall answered my phone that day is because I wasn't going to. I thought you were calling to tell me you didn't want to see me anymore and I couldn't stand to hear it, so I was letting it go to voicemail. Kendall grabbed my phone and made me talk to you. And the text he sent me...that was about you, too. He tried calling but I didn't answer, so he texted me to ask if I'd...uh..."

"What?"

"Sucked your lollipop yet."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

James giggled and buried his face in Logan's chest. "So I think I really like Kendall."

"He's a great guy. But again—he's not you."

"I had decided to take the chance, you know. I decided you were worth it. I was going to make my move."

"Let me guess. You walked in on me and Kendall hugging."

"Exactly."

"And then you couldn't wait to get out of there fast enough."

"I was dying inside, Logan! I was right there on the edge and seeing that...it pushed me over. It hurt to even be in the same room with you. I'm sorry, I should've asked, I'm an idiot, but I just couldn't believe you would want a life with me."

"Why wouldn't I, James?"

"Who am I? Some famous rock star. Yeah, the world loves me, but someone like you could never take me seriously. That's what I thought."

"Someone like me?"

"Yes! You're smart and sophisticated and-"

"I am _not _sophisticated."

"But you're like...so far out of my league."

"I felt the same way about you. Like you would never look twice at me because I'm a nerdy doctor."

"You're so much more than that. You're kind and caring and smart and funny and just so fucking gorgeous and why? Why would you ever take me seriously?"

"Because I love you. And don't ask me to explain why, I can't. It has nothing to do with James Diamond, except in the way that you are him and you blow me away every single day with your music and your dedication. Your passion. But all of that could disappear and I'd still love you. For the man who brought me a bouquet of lollipops. The man who pulled my seat out and served me dinner. The man who called me, desperate in the middle of the night because he couldn't stop thinking about me and needed me. What more could I ever want in a partner?"

"Someone who feels the same way about you?"

Logan smiled softly. "I'd take that."

"Someone who understands what it's like to have a demanding career and won't whine all the time that you're too busy for him?"

"I'd take that, too."

"How about someone who's going to take you to bed and keep you so entertained you won't even have time to think about work? Or anything else?"

"That...yeah. That's something I'd enjoy."

"I don't know that this is going to be easy, Logan. But I'm willing to try. I don't want anyone else touching you or even thinking about it. I want you to belong to me."

"Sadly, I have for the past five years."

James chuckled. "I _am_ pretty amazing."

"And so modest."

"Have there been no boyfriends in all that time?"

"There were dates. Even some over-nighters. They just...I don't know. Nothing captivated me the way you do. I'd rather be home watching you on my television than having sex with a guy who only interests me half as much. If that. Is that pathetic?"

"I think it's wonderful."

"I remember the first time I saw you. I was in the student center at school, they always played MTV in there. And I was sitting at a table skimming through an anatomy book, trying to cram for a test, and then I heard your voice."

"What song?"

"The first one."

"Wow, way back then? You've been with me from the start?"

Logan nodded. "And I looked up at the screen and couldn't look away. Everything about you called out to me. Your voice, your eyes, the way you moved. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I remember saying your name out loud when they showed it at the end of the video. And then I failed the test."

"You what?"

"I did. The only test I ever failed, or even got less than a B on. I sat there in that room and couldn't even remember the names of the diseases I was supposed to identify from their definitions. I was that shaken. And dude, this is stuff I should've been able to say in my sleep."

"Nice. I'm a little proud."

"And that was it. I went out and bought your CD on the way home, looked you up online that night. There wasn't a whole lot then, but...I was hooked."

"Like me after the day we met. I couldn't get you out of my head. I forgot some of the words to my songs that first night."

"I saw that! I thought you were just worried about your health!"

"I was, but mostly I couldn't stop thinking about you. Kept searching the crowd like you'd magically be there. But you were in another state. It scared me."

"Don't let it scare you, James." Logan leaned in to kiss him, cupping his cheek. "You're not the only one jumping off this cliff without a parachute. Hold my hand. We'll do it together."

"How are you so perfect?"

Logan chuckled. "I've asked myself that about you a million times over the years."

"I want people to know. Is that gonna be a problem?"

"No. I want it, too."

"So the medical field knows you're gay?"

"It's never been addressed either way. There are a lot of single doctors who are simply too busy for a wife, so I've probably been sorted into that category. But I'm not in the closet. If someone asks me, which is rare, I tell them the truth."

"Good. Because you're my date to red-carpet events now."

"I'd better be."

"And Hollywood parties."

"Damn right."

"And I know you're not after my money. You must have plenty."

"I do. But no kids to save it for."

"Kids. Wow. And you said I was crazy for talking marriage."

"I didn't say you were crazy. Just...surprised me."

"Let's talk about kids another day. Right now I have other things I want to discuss with you."

"Such as?"

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of my lollipop?"

Logan lost it, giggling and hugging James tight. "I love you."

"Good thing, cause I think I love you, too. But really. How many?"

"Let's find out."

James stood up, lifting Logan with him. "Jimmy, bedroom!"

"Got it! Is there a TV in there?"

"Yes!" Logan yelled.

"Cool! Let me grab my shit before you two tear it up."

Logan was tired of waiting, though. He kissed James as they moved down the hall, fingers tangled in James' hair as they attacked each others' mouths. Jimmy got out just in time before James kicked the door closed and deposited Logan on the bed. He quickly unbuttoned Logan's shirt and spread it open, his lips possessing every inch of skin they could find.

"Gorgeous," James whispered. "Knew you would be."

James' shirt came off and Logan flipped them, taking his time discovering the places that made James crazy as he sucked at the bare skin.

"Logan, please. We have all night, I need you."

"I know." Kissing James' lips now, Logan went to work removing James' pants along with everything else. He wrapped his hand around James. "Jesus, James. I'm gonna need to go slow."

"Like I said, we have all night. I won't hurt you." When James had Logan naked, he whistled. "And you were worried about me?"

"Yes, but I won't be inside you."

"Says who? Why do you get all the fun?"

"I just assumed-"

"Well, don't. I like it both ways."

"Oh god, you're gonna kill me." Logan crawled up toward the pillows, screaming in surprise when James dragged him back by the waist.

"Wasn't done with you yet." He flipped Logan and slid his mouth down as far as he could, swallowing Logan until Logan was writhing under him.

"James...fuck. Oh my god."

A few minutes later Logan pushed James off him. "Not gonna last, how are you so...you're so hot!"

"Okay, you can move now."

Panting, Logan crawled again for the pillows, reaching into his nightstand for condoms and lube.

"Can you set me up for testing?"

"Testing? What? Why?" His brain was hazy, not allowing him to think clearly.

"Make sure I'm clean. The sooner we do away with condoms, the better."

"Oh." Logan licked his lips, forcing his mind to work. "We'll both do it. Together. Just so there's peace of mind."

"Okay. Give me that."

Logan watched James roll a condom over him, then hissed as James stroked him with lubrication. "Knew this would be amazing with you. Knew it. Am I...are you...is this..."

"Logan, you have no idea. Feel this." He pulled Logan's hand closer, wrapping it around his own erection with a soft moan. "Trust me," he said in a strangled voice. "You're amazing."

"Oh god, hurry." Logan dragged James up to kiss him hard, one hand holding him there by the hair while the other guided himself into James slowly. James braced himself and took his time getting into place, groaning into Logan's mouth as he settled down. "Okay?" Logan asked.

"Yeah. Good. Just...fuck."

"Kiss me," Logan commanded, as if James had any intention of not doing it, and after a few minutes James began to move over Logan, hissing with each thrust. Logan allowed James to control it all, his own body screaming in ecstasy every time James moved. "Don't stop, don't ever stop, stay here with me."

"Not going, not until I have to, gonna fucking move in here, Jesus, Logan!"

They moved together until Logan was sweating from holding back, James sensing it and bringing Logan's hand to himself. "Do it," he said, just like that first night on the phone. Logan stroked him hard and fast, James moving up and down into it until he couldn't hold back either, and he grabbed Logan and pulled him up for a kiss as he let go, Logan following quickly as they moaned into each others' mouths.

Logan fell back onto the pillows, pulling James down and wrapping his arms around him. It wasn't until both of them could breathe properly that Logan spoke. "So...did I change that? Or is chocolate still better than sex?"

"I don't care if I never see another piece of candy again."

"And coffee?"

"I do love my coffee," James whined.

"Coffee or sex. Take your pick."

"You are such a strict doctor."

"I make house calls, too."

"And give lollipops."

"Give up coffee and I'll blow you every day we're together."

"Really?"

"Really." Logan neglected to mention he'd be willing to do it with or without the coffee.

"Done."

Logan laughed and kissed James' hair. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"So you're staying a few days?"

"If that's okay."

"More than okay."

"I have to leave Thursday, though. Back on tour."

"I know. I'll look into some conferences that match up to your touring schedule. See what I can do."

"You'll have to give up your work at the hospital. And a lot of your patients won't be happy if you cut back your office hours."

"I have two P.A.'s. They can pick up the slack."

"I won't be on tour forever, you know."

"Yeah. But when I do get to speak in your towns, I'll get a free James Diamond concert out of it."

"Oh, you'll get more than that."

"Still can't believe this happened. One day Kendall's teasing me, asking what I'd do if James Diamond ever showed up at my hospital. Less than a month later you're in my bed and talking about possible marriage someday. Why me?"

"Because you're perfect."

Something broke in Logan's heart, a wall maybe that he'd built to separate his dreams from reality, and when he looked into James' eyes he knew he'd found his reality, found what he'd been searching for. "This thing between us. It's gonna be epic, James. A great love. A love that others will see and want for themselves. Wonder how we got so lucky."

"I already know how."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"Care to share, oh wise one?"

"Of course." James kissed Logan softly. "It's because I wanted the best."

"Right."

"And I got him."

"We both did."

"I'm not afraid anymore."

"Good. I won't let go of you."

"It's all I ever wanted."

Logan smiled. James Diamond was all he'd ever wanted, too.


End file.
